3 Strikes and You're Out!!

I think we all know how easy it is to get stuck or all tangled up in our love relationships.Tangled up, inside out, upside down, ass about, knotted inside, glued to the spot, tongue tied etc are all phrases often used to describe how our partners can make us feel.I think so many, many of have become 'stuck' in our relationships with our lovers; boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, soul mates, fellow travelers, significant others etc and here I am only using what is known as polite terminology.

If we didn't 'need' our lovers then I believe loving another person might become a whole new different ball-game.
By needing I refer to economic dependence; such as is required by a woman with children who is dependent on her man. Or woman as the case may be.
Of course there are many other reasons to need your lover but I only give here that most obvious example,
Many people think they need their lover but unless they are in some way physically dependent on them in order to ensure their very own survival of their physical body then they do not need them; they only want them.
Wanting and needing are two entirely different things.

Economic survival in marriage sure can be a most tricky business. It often even becomes dangerous; dangerous to our physical, emotional health and/or financial health.
Ask anyone who has been through a divorce.

After a period of 'recoup' after the break down of my long term relationship of 18 years I made a decision to never be economically reliant upon a lover again.
16 years after making that decision it still stands.
But it certainly has not been an easy ride. In fact it is damn right difficult. And those astral lovers (click here and here) are not known for their financial acumen or for their handyman skills.

Such difficulties aside I believe that if every person, citizen, whatever was given, as a basic human right food, shelter, utilities and other necessary life sustaining commodities such as good health facilities, education and work with meaning and creative opportunities without regard for gender, ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation etc that life would be so very, very different. Access and equity for everyone is one of my catch-cries.
Besides solving just about every human problem there is, including crime, mental health problems, sex crimes, perversions, addictions, etc (I seem to be using a lot of etceteras in this article) I believe that the effects on our mating proclivities might manifest as something I loosely refer to as, "next please".
If we no longer were encumbered by such considerations our egos might also be in better shape too.

So to finish this preamble and get back to point of the article let's just also assume that the only reason we are with our lover is because they can energise, enlighten, entertain, educate, transform and help us to travel farther in our spiritual questing. Although - who knows there might not be any reason for spiritual questing if those preconditions mentioned above were present. Hmmmm; further food for thought.

In my personal quest to never rely on my lovers I devised my '3 strikes and you're out' policy. I want to want my lover without ever needing them. Lots of men can't cope with this - but this is fodder for further articles anyway.
A few years ago my tribal 'bosswoman' and her husband were visiting. He mentioned that he had a friend who might just be perfect for me and he then started rattling off multiple reasons why his friend and I might be so good together.
I put my arm in the air in a distancing movement and said to him, "Hang on - as far as partners are concerned this ass of mine only shifts itself for passion and adventure".
I've also stuck to that edict. I only stay with my men when there is passion and adventure to be had.

So I let my men know very early on in the relationship about my 3 strike policy. I tell it like this, "If I ask you a very intimate question and you initially duck it I will understand that. However if I ask you again a week or later and you don't answer it I will expect you to answer that you are considering the answer and will get back to me on it and then I might ask you in about another month's time and if I feel you are unprepared to face the issue that is axiomatic to the sentence then I will terminate our relationship".
Next please!!

I say that the very hardest lesson to learn in this life is 'how to let go at a moment's notice'. A man who ducks or cannot answer your intimate questions, and who won't commit to being prepared to work on himself and your relationship enough to arrive at the answer is the swan before your pearls. Don't waste any more time on him.
It is nonsense to think that there is only one soul-mate for you in the whole universe so therefore you must stay, remain in a stuck place and not leave him. Whilst your true soul-mate might currently be inhabiting another planetary orbit if your current beau won't answer your intimate questions then he is not your soul-mate. Keep posted for the article about, "How to find your Soul-mate".

A really good relationship is like an ocean; whose tide comes in and goes out. It relies on being able to often let go and come back. So - I have adapted that common adage to now read and say, "if you truly love someone (and yourself) let them go as often as is necessary. If they come back they are yours (for a little while again).

How many lovers have I lost this way? Keep posted.
Can true love be found from within the confines of 'need' ? Can spiritual and loving freedom be found form within the shelter of a committed base (relationship)? More fodder for further articles. Keep posted.