3 Things Nobody Warns You About Childbirth

So you're going to have a baby. If it's your first then it's probably safe to assume that you've done everything you can think of to prepare yourselves for it. You've read the books, taken the classes with the slightly nutty lady who calls any future mother a "birth goddess," and you've been sure to tour the hospital. You think you're ready. Well nobody is ever really ready for childbirth, definitely not the first time. So many things can happen and it truly is different for everybody. There were however a few things that nobody has pointed out to you that you might want a heads up on.

Shift Change
Chances are you already know there is no guarantee that your regular doctor would be on duty when you check into the hospital. Romantic comedies had already shown you the hilarious hijinks that ensue when parents to be are confronted with somebody other than the doctor who's been seeing them through the pregnancy. For that reason you may already have take the time to at least meet the other doctors who might be on duty. But nobody mentions the shift change.

Though you probably realize your doctor may not be on duty when you first get to the hospital you probably have assumed that whoever is there when you check in is the one who is going to deliver your baby. Sorry to burst that bubble but unless you have a very short labor (and if you do let me just say on behalf of my wife and her 25 hours of labor: I hate you) you're going to see quite a few different faces before the baby actually arrives. So don't panic when a completely new doctor or nurse comes in to check on your progress at the halfway mark.

Catheters
If you've taken a birthing class it may be mentioned off handed that during labor the nurses will ask the mother to empty her bladder periodically. What they don't tell you is what happens if this becomes difficult: namely a catheter. If you hadn't guessed already the insertion of a firm plastic tube into ones urethra is not a pleasant experience. Actually it hurts like hell. And you might think that the pain of labor would make this pain seem fairly minor, but you would be very wrong.

As much as they hurt they can also be an absolute necessity. If the bladder iss distended enough it can actually preventing the baby from progressing down the birth canal. Also be aware that the threat of a catheter doesn't go away after the baby is born. Following birth things in the nether regions become rather swollen which can make urination difficult, possibly resulting in yet another catheter to avoid infections.

The Noises
Don't think that it's only mothers who need some warnings, this one is for the fathers in the room. Admittedly in the big scheme of things this one is fairly minor. However it can certainly catch the father off guard if nobody alerts him. Obviously with everything going on with the mother there are going to plenty of strained and stressed noises coming out of her. Movies and television has fully prepared you for heavy and rapid breathing as well as screaming and even the occasional cursing outburst. There was however one kind of noise you are not prepared for.

So listen up fathers and be warned: at some point in labor (probably during active labor, mid contraction) the mother of your child is going to make a noise that is disturbingly close to what you're used to hearing in the bedroom. It may not be exact, but it'll be in the ballpark. Again this is pretty minor in the big scheme of things but it can make for a very bizarre and surreal few moments while your mind tries to reconcile what sounds like pleasure noises in the middle of something so painful. Of course the mother is in fact in pain, and she certainly isn't trying to sound like that. But it happens, and you'll appreciate having been told ahead of time.