3 Year Baby

Most babies are born 9 months after that first twinkle of their daddy's eye. Some are born early. Some are dreamed of and prayed about long before the deed had been done. This baby is just such a one.

Over 2 years ago I (the husband in this marriage) began feeling like it was time to have another kid. "We have two already", was the reply my wife gave. She was content with what we had. So I decided to sit on the feeling for a bit.

It never went away. Some days it was easy to deal with. Like a subtle reminder or maybe just a slight twinge of desire. Other days it was more like a full blown addiction. Yet it was constant in it's companionship. So much that I began praying, Lord if this isn't from You, please take this desire away. I worried about my own sanity. But that feeling never left.

So I fought the urge. I buried it under work. Shoved it under exercise. Tried to hide it in video games. I got no relief, but I was at least in decent physical shape!

So I began to pray, Lord if this is from You, then send me a sign. First sign I prayed for was a bassinet. Thanksgiving of that year, our resale shop put one in it's window. They hadn't done that before. Ever. In fact I had even been in there asking if they ever got them. No not to often came the reply, but if I get one I will call you. Not content I prayed, Lord send Susie a strong desire to have one. December, she got a strong desire. Still not wanting to make a mistake I asked well how about showing Susie a sign.

I must digress at this point. My wife was and is very ambivalent about having more kids. She fears what her father will say, what her friends may think, how to afford it, how to manage the time, and so on. She was scared.

So mid December were out having sushi with some friends. The baby subject comes up. The wife of our friend tells my wife "if you really want one have one, for you not for anyone else". Meanwhile I'm in the back still praying, Lord send her a sign. We needed to stop by our local Best Buy for something and having just polished off a bunch of coke and sushi we had to potty. When Susie comes out she tells me the following. "When I was in the bathroom I looked at their changing table". A thing to note at this point is that our youngsters where with a sitter and she had no need to look at a changing table. But on the changing table someone had taken a magic marker and drawn an outline of a baby. Written across the top it said "If your looking for a sign from God this is it." I was floored. This was it. An unshakable non-coincidental sign from God. At least I thought so; she wasn't so convinced.

So we waited. January we were driving around in Houston after visiting her parents. The subject comes up again. She said I'm still not convinced God wants us to have more kids. So I casually laugh and say Lord if You want us to have more kids show us a billboard with a picture of a baby on it. Would you believe there were none. All the way I looked. I started to get bummed. Then about a week later Susie's watching this cop show. One of those real life detective stories. The camera is focused in on one of the detectives who's talking about the crime. Then it pans over. It stops and focuses on a huge billboard with a baby on it. It stays there for a while then pans back to the detective.

Some time later Susie tells me we have no place for a baby, where are we going to put them and our the boys we have. I had no clue. Several days later a lady called and asked if I wanted a set of bunk beds. I said sure and told her I would come get them later on that week. I got busy and forgot. A storm system came through and out of the blue this lady calls and asks if I still want the bunk beds. I told her yes, but I couldn't come get them for a while because I was busy. Then she asks are you busy right now? I told her no but I didn't have a truck to come get them. She brought them to me and helped me unload them in the rain, then she thanked me for taking them. I really wondered about this.

About this time Susie said "well if God wants us to have more kids then He is going to have to give us a minivan". Our car started acting up and we were driving around in Beaumont. We had been looking at minivans but didn't see anything we liked. We checked a couple of dealer lots. Then we came across a dealership and they had a van that was perfect. It had a dvd system and everything else that she was looking for. We traded in our car and off we went.

Susie was still not convinced. So we waited. And I almost gave up, I became disappointed and depressed, I questioned myself "had I missed God again"? So I did my best to bury my feelings. I told other people I didn't want more kids. I told Susie I didn't want more kids, and I told myself the same thing.

Time passed. I started saving money to "fix-it" so that I wouldn't have to stress about all this stuff again. As the months went by I never could get the money set aside for it. I only needed 700 but things kept coming up that I needed that money for.

Fast forward to last December. Susie's grandma died and I got a little careless about the cut off dates (we NFP). We had a big shock about 2 or 3 days before her period was due she. I was worried that about how careless I had been so she took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. The tests stayed positive for 2 days and then turned negative. This experience kind of jarred both of us.

I had a dream one night that scared me. In the dream my dearest Susie was dying and I was putting blankets on her to keep her warm. I was trying to keep her alive. I thought maybe God was trying to tell me something from this dream so I took it to my pastor. He didn't tell me what it meant, he just asked me what I thought it meant. My mind was thinking that Susie was trying to get rid of something in her life that God wanted to go away and I was keeping it alive. I started examining my life to see if there was anything that I was doing but I couldn't put my finger on any one specific thing.

Several days later we went out to eat at our local Mexican restaurant. The dream was still on my mind and I asked him if the Lord had talked to him about it. I really wanted to know, even if it meant giving up things that I enjoyed. Me and my wife both had different ideas what it could mean.

After I asked my pastor again, he leaned back in his chair a little bit. He looked at me and said "so you have no idea what this dream means?" "No sir", I answered " I can't think of any specific thing that it might be". My heart pounded, I was nervous, I couldn't understand why I felt this way, but instead of being afraid I was excited. I couldn't tell what Susie was feeling or thinking. She looked like she really nervous too. He looked over at Susie and asked what she thought. She spoke up "it's about having a baby isn't it."

My mind flipped over. I was stunned, shocked, I wasn't even thinking that. A baby wasn't on my list about what that dream meant. Brother Baker nodded and said "I had a vision a while back". "I saw Susie in church on the front pew holding a baby in a pink blanket. Now I'm not saying she's going to have a girl or anything I'm just saying it looks like she should keep your motherhood spirit alive. That's what your dream means."

I was still trying to figure out how this dream meant that and now Bro Baker is telling me that he had a vision of Susie with a baby. I was floored and then incredibly giddy. I was trying to make heads or tails of it all. We finished dinner that night and then went home. That night we discussed when we might start trying. Susie said I think maybe we should quit nfp for a month and just see what happens. Susie told me that the next church service one of the ministers was up talking and he looked around and asked the question "will you be obedient?" she said he turned his head looked her way and repeated "well will you?" She said if this is what God wants then I want to be obedient. My poor Susie wanted to have more kids but was full of fear. Fear of how to take care of all us, how would it affect our kids, could we afford another one and so on. She just needed a really healthy dose of reassurance that He was on board with this. We proceeded ahead and then began the familiar two week wait.

During the two week wait one of our church brothers took us to visit a church in Jasper. The pastor got up and started talking about what had happened with his second child. He felt the Lord had said he was going to have a son. Their ultrasounds were inconclusive. But he just knew that the Lord had told Him He was having a son, so he went out and bought camo everything for the nursery. His daughter was born a few weeks later. He was crushed. He told us that it took him a long time to get over it. When he got to a place where he was over it somewhat he felt like the Lord said "I said you were having a son, I didn't say when". Him and His wife later found that they were pregnant. This time the ultrasounds were very clear. They had a son. We had a similar experience that we had gone through with our last pregnancy and God used him to deal with some lingering issues about that.

As a side note, one evening I heard a voice speak in my mind "Her name is Olivia." Previously I would run off and buy pink baby stuff and say I heard God. Especially after what brother Baker saw. What I do see is 2 years evidence that God was interested in us adding on. What isn't so clear is whether or not He has picked out a daughter for us. I don't have a window in Heaven to see what He makes decisions about. Time will tell what He has done.