33 Annoying Expressions that Killed Our Conversation

Do the expressions we use really make sense? Some expressions, when taken to their logical conclusion, don't mean what we intend. Some are just flat-out wrong and people continue to use them...wrongly. Other expressions are simply annoying. Maybe I'm over thinking some of these, but hearing these clichés is like having a cheese grater scraped over my ears. We all have peeves and these are some of mine.

I could care less.
I'm not alone in hating this misused expression and I get plenty of opportunity to hear and read it abused. The correct expression is "I couldn't care less." If you could care less, you still have some feelings on the subject. Get it right or get fish slapped.

Money is the root of all evil.
This is probably the most often misquoted scripture. Paul's first letter to Timothy actually reads, "For the love of money is the root of all evil" (1 Tim 6:10). I come close to losing my religion when I hear this misquoted. Go read your bible after you finish reading this article, of course.

We can agree to disagree
This is why you never became a lawyer. If you are arguing, don't fall back on this one. Drive home your point and never give up. Fight until your last breath. Don't be a spineless worm. I will never "agree to disagree" with you. I'll resort to "Yo Mama" jokes and stab myself in the neck before "agreeing to disagree". That's a promise.

Liquid Gas or LP Gas.
I hate you Hank Hill and your damned propane industry. A substance can not simultaneously be both a liquid and a gas. It is one or the other. You can liquefy a gas, but it is then a liquid. Somewhere along the advertising highway "liquefied propane gas" became too much of a burden. I will accept "liquid propane" or "liquefied propane gas" or simply "propane." We all know it's a liquid in the bottle and a gas when it escapes.

This is your only choice.
Well, it's really not a choice then. The definition of "choice" is having an alternative. Without one, you have no choice. Just say that.

Better late than never.
That really depends on what it is. I doubt you would say this to the paramedics if they showed up 4 hours after you called 911. I bet your boss never says this either. Bosses tend to want things now or a least on time.

Better safe than sorry.
No, not always. Sometimes the hurt is worth the risk. Put yourself out there and take a chance. You'll learn something new even through the hurt. Fight this cliché with another, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," but use a condom. No sense in being a fool.

The bigger they are the harder they fall.
If you truly believe this, you're getting your butt kicked with great regularity. There is a very good reason sumo wrestlers only wrestle other sumo wrestlers.

The exception that proves the rule.
Exceptions don't prove rules. At the very least, they break rules. At most, they disprove rules.

Don't judge a book by its cover.
If we didn't, life would be much more complicated than it is. We make snap judgments and quick decision based on the superficial everyday. If we didn't have our prejudices, simple things like ordering dinner in a restaurant would take hours while we weighed every entrée's attributes and compared the balance of herbs in each dish. Looking at the dessert menu would drive us insane. You know you love chocolate, so you can quickly order the double-fudge brownie á la mode and not worry about the other desserts or your cholesterol, apparently.

First things first.
Shut up, you redundant ESL student. If you're using this expression, you either have no concept of linear time or you just had a stroke. You deserve the V-8 slap to the forehead for saying this.

There's no time like the present.
If you're using this, I know you have lost all concept of time. Are there people somewhere stuck in some Mobius time loop where every moment is identical? Thank you Dr. Obvious for pointing out that each moment in time is unique.

Self Help Book.
Unless you wrote the book, it's just regular help. If you are not the author, you are getting help from someone else; therefore you are not helping yourself. I really hate this section of the bookstore, too. Every new-age whack job with a theory about an Oedipus complex or eating disorders has a 150-page tree killer about how crystals can make your poop smell like roses while good writers starve.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
When else can you try again except after you've failed? You might as well say, "Let's try this again for the first time." Take your opinionated optimism and shove it up your nose. Maybe I'm a quitter. Maybe I don't want to try again. Maybe I realize my limitations and just want to take a nap. In a related story...

If you want something done right, do it yourself.
I installed a new deadbolt on my backdoor yesterday, but if I want a bridge built, I'll call an engineer. Would you really feel secure living down stream from a dam you built? I can unstop my pathetic low-flow toilet, but I don't have a clue how to plumb a whole house. I'll call someone else when I want some things done right.

No rest for the weary.
Of course not. They wouldn't be weary if they got some rest. This is such a circular expression, it makes my brain hurt.

Rules were meant to be broken.
Rules are meant to be followed. The only people that use this expression are wigglers who get caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

The end justifies the means.
Are you a NAZI? This is the type of thinking that causes all sorts of atrocities. Have some principles and stick to them.

Turnabout is fair play.
Not if the action that set the events in motion was wrong, illegal, or immoral. This is a free pass to being a jerk. I can be a jerk on my own and don't need this lame excuses.

Click the Start button to shut down your computer.
That's counterintuitive. Why is Microsoft Windows the only thing in the world where you press "Start" to turn the thing off? Every time I shut my computer down, I think, "The terrorist win."

There's more than one way to skin a cat.
What sick pervert thought this was a good phrase to coin. I'm a self-professed dog lover and don't care much for cats, but this expression is just sick when you think about it. Who is out there skinning cats? I really don't need that imagery during our lunch conversation.

The show must go on.
Why? You won't hear this if the theater is on fire, I assure you. If the cast all has bubonic plague, just give everyone a refund and go home.

Two heads are better than one.
Not if one of them is a moron. I often have two additional heads trying to help me write, but when they are my Chihuahuas walking across my keyboard they really aren't adding any value to the process.

Two wrongs don't make a right.
Now you're a theologian. Thanks for sharing that pearl of moral wisdom. I had no idea that stabbing that guy in a bar wouldn't get me the promotion my boss unjustly gave to someone else. Thanks for saving me all that pain.

Where there's a will, there's a way.
Keep telling yourself that when your SCUBA tank is empty and you're 200 feet down. Just will yourself to suddenly breathe sea water.

You can't take it with you.
That really depends on what it is and where you're going, doesn't it? I take things with me all the time.

Please and thank you.
People that use these together are clueless. It's either too early for the "thank you" or too late for the "please." Stop putting them together. Use them separately and at the proper moment in the conversation.

Have a blessed day.
It's my God-given right to have a crappy day. Besides, you're not a priest. Stop running around blessing people. You're probably one of those people who say, "Please and thank you."

I have half a mind...
Yes you do.

There's no accounting of taste.
Yes there is, but it usually takes education and experience. What this really means is, "You have no taste," but that sounds rude especially when talking about someone behind their back.

Charity begins at home.
No, obligations do. If you define taking care of your children as charity, you should talk to your doctor about sterilization.

I look forward to it.
This is my number one pet peeve expression. One reason is, it is hard to avoid. The other is because it is obvious and useless. How else will you look at something that hasn't happened yet? You can't look back on future events, so of course you are looking forward to it.

An honorable mention goes to "This page intentionally left blank." Now it's not blank and your book publisher is stupid.

These are the phrases that get under my skin and kill our conversations. I know you're out there using them. I hear you mumbling them in the dark when you think no one is listening.

For phrases that detract from your writing, check out, Useless Phrases that Killed Your Writing's Impact. It's guaranteed to give your next article a real punch.