4 Battles You Should Let Your Toddler Win
Setting Realistic Expectations for Your Toddler
Hair
My daughter was born with a full head of long beautiful brown hair. By two it was longer and more beautiful. Nothing got under my skin more than hair with oatmeal and boogers in it. I found that we were spending a long time every morning trying to pull her hair back in headbands, barrettes, and ponytails. She was always crying about it, and I was always shouting about it. It was the ultimate power struggle. The solution? It seems obvious, but it just kept escaping me. At the recommendation of a friend, we cut her hair. Suddenly, my toddler loved her cute haircut, and I wasn't stressed out about making it look cute every morning. Occasionally she would let me do her hair, but if she wasn't interested, I didn't push it. Now, at three, she is asking me to do her hair every morning.
Meal Times
I thought my toddler needed to sit down and eat a full meal three times a day. But the truth is, I don't always sit down at the table and eat three full meals a day. Why would I expect that from my child? Of course, we always offer meals at mealtimes, but if my daughter isn't interested, I am more willing to let her leave the table and eat when she is hungry. I've realized that it isn't worth an argument about whether or not she sits at the table when I do and it isn't healthy to make a toddler eat when she isn't hungry. When she's hungry, she'll eat.
Clothes
Shouldn't my toddler want to wear a cute matching outfit every day? I thought she should. Of course, I had forgotten that my little toddler is growing up, and has her own ideas about what looks cute. She wants to wear a pink polka dot sun dress with purple argyle tights underneath, black tap shoes, and a brown sweater. Does it matter what she looks like? She's three! She feels good that she has dressed herself. By letting her pick her own outfit, my toddler's even becoming more confident and independent. It's worth it (and it makes for some cute pictures to save for when she's a grown up).
Nap Time
I wanted my toddler to nap until she was ready for school. I was really sad to give up her nap time because that meant I had to be on my game for a longer portion of the day. I would lose the two hours that I had to do things during the day. However, when I tried to force her to take a nap when she was ready to cut them out, it was stressful for both of us. If she did fall asleep, I found that she was too well rested to sleep at night. I had to change my expectations when nap time went away, but it was better than battling her daily about this issue.
By letting your toddler win these battles, you are allowing yourself to more adequately meet their needs. You are avoiding unnecessary battles, giving them a sense of self and independence, and creating a more peaceful home environment.
Published by Kelly Herdrich - Featured Contributor in Health & Wellness, Travel and Lifestyle
Kelly has a bachelor's degree in elementary education, raises three young daughters, and recently returned from three years living and traveling overseas. Since beginning her freelance writing career, Kelly... View profile
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- Let your toddler pick their own clothes or how they want their hair done.
- Don't force mealtimes--your child will eat when he/she is hungry.
- Saying goodbye to nap time isn't easy, but your toddler knows best when the time is right.
20 Comments
Post a CommentI compromised on the clothing issue by putting matched outfits on the bottom rack of my son's closet. They would be mostly weather-appropriate and they always matched. When he was old enough and getting dressed was a struggle, I let him pick what he wanted to wear from the bottom rack. When we did laundry, I matched different outfits so that the grubby favorite shirt wasn't always available. Shoes, however, were a different story and I've often let him wander the supermarket with black patent leather shoes and shorts.
I agree mostly with these situations, but I will not go too far down the road of "children know what's best for them". This leads to some real problems, both practical and philosophical. You're right - some points of contention shouldn't be - they're not important issues of behavior, but rather preference. But for things, you are the parent, and you will be imposing your will on their life since you know what's best for them better than they do.
Wonderful article & helpful info!
Terrific advice!
I think that you can tell when a child needs a nap. They may not think they need one, but if they are crabby or hyper, it's time they take a break. Great article!
The ones destined to become strong independent women (or men) seem to know it themselves and let their parents know it early on.
More good stuff.
Great advice! My three year old went through a two week phase where he was wearing a black Darth Vadar cape everywhere - lol. Last week, he wanted to wear his bathrobe instead of his coat to the grocery store! LOL I've got no problem with it and think it is cute. I love how all the older ladies comment and talk to him when he is dressed like that too.
Excellent info. And with the clothing I think I'll extend that into older childhood. As long as it's not too revealing, who really cares what they wear?
As always, great writing and article!