4 Easy Ways to Overcome Loneliness on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is dreaded when you are single and unmarried, widowed, divorced, separated, or when you are in a relationship that is dying. It is simply devastating when this time of the year approaches. The dominant feelings of loneliness emerge.

It is ironic that we are surrounded by a lot of people at school or at work yet many feel very lonely. In schools, students rush from one course to another. They eat for 30 minutes during lunch break, spending 15 minutes in lining up for food. Then, they go back to their scheduled block. After school, the student goes home. Their parents arrive after 6 pm. Many children are emotionally unattached to their siblings and parents. Everyone seems to be engrossed with their own thing.

In the same way at work, you rush from one project to another project, one task to another task. You greet your co-employees superficially. There is simply no time to mingle with other people in a deeper way.

Many of the older generation struggle with loneliness too. With their failing health, grandmothers and grandfathers find it impossible to come out of their houses and join social activities.

Being lonely on Valentines Day is the most painful emotion that one can experience. You feel empty inside. You know you are alone. You are restless. You have this intense desire to be needed by others. You feel left out. No one asked you to go out on Valentines Day. So you feel so rejected and unwanted. You dream of a relationship that never existed. The recurring negative thoughts bring you to this anxious, miserable hopelessness.

Four Reasons to Understand Loneliness

Dr. Gary Collins in his Christian Counselor's Manual explains 4 causes of loneliness.

1. Personal reasons

Do people perceive you as independent?

You exhibit an independent attitude. Often times at work or school, you keep others from visiting you at the spur-of-the-moment.

You cut yourselves from the outside world so as not to be disturbed. You hold your privacy up high that people got used to not bothering you.

Are you too needy?

Do you show your dismay outwardly when people don't spend time with you? Do you demand that your friends care about you or call you?

Do you realize that sometimes with this attitude you push people away from you?

Are you bitter and hostile?

Do you sound like you are always negative and criticizing people? Do people close to you tell you that you are difficult? No one wants to be close to you. And you wonder?

Do you feel superior?

Do you feel that you are better and smarter than everyone else? Then people will tend to leave you alone. No one wants to feel less of a person or stupid around you.

Do you often complain of a rough life?

Do you like telling people about the bad things that happened to you? Your poor attitude is driving people away.

2. Technology and Social Trends

Due to the drastic changes in the dynamics in our society, moving from one state to another is increasingly becoming normal. As a result, many children are traumatized. They lose their sense of attachment. They become withdrawn from their peers. They find no purpose in committing to friendships when they know they will be uprooted at any time again.

The increase in population also contributed to isolation. Gone are those days when you know people by their faces in grocery stores, post offices, restaurants, libraries, playgrounds and schools. Your hectic life makes you withdraw from socializing with your neighbors. Either you feel you do not want to be disturbed or you do not want to inconvenience them. You begin to be suspicious of people you do not recognize. As you withdraw, you tend to get used to the tranquility. You get annoyed easily with the noise around. You eventually avoid people.

Advances in technology hinder you from socializing.

Television makes many housewives and elderly people sit in front of the screen all day long. They tend to be irritable when their family members interrupt their soap operas. Many elderly people follow closely the episodes of the soap TV shows, living the actors and actresses' challenges instead of interacting with their grandchildren. When an actress is heartbroken, they feel sensitive and irritable to those around them.

In the same way, fathers are glued to the TV set in an effort to relax from a busy day from work. The children miss out valuable times with them.

3. No Opportunities to Practice Social Skills

Parents think that children will learn social skills on their own. But, many children are not given opportunities to socialize in the modern times. Most of the children today are raised with computers and video games. Separated from most days from their parents because of work, children feel lonely. They resort to video and computer games online.

The youth do not develop strong attachments to children of their age. They feel insecure and uncomfortable in social settings. Thus, children feel unaccepted and lonely. They have no skills to relate.

4. Going out of Comfort Zones

With so many divorces and separations, individuals become defensive. They build walls around them so as not to get hurt. Many people are afraid of intimacy. They avoid opportunities to know people for they are afraid of being rejected. It is better to be in the comforts of loneliness than to risk reaching out. They feel very uncomfortable and insecure.

Four Steps to Overcome Loneliness

Step 1: Recognize that you need people

It is normal to be lonely once in awhile particularly in transitions in your life. You may just have moved to a new place. The best thing to do is to get back at your feet right away and shake away these sad feelings of loss. Be optimistic about your new situation and count your blessings. Give a reason to yourself to reach out to your neighbors and invite them to a potluck dinner. It is also fun to invite janitors or cleaning ladies in your work building for coffee on Valentines Day.

Step 2: Learn to live and accept trends in society

WikiHow.com, in an article called "How to Deal with Loneliness", emphasized the importance of human contact. Do not isolate yourself by sitting on the computer all day. On Valentines Day, make a conscious effort to do something outside of your room. You can look at the Community section of the newspaper and search for local events that might interest you. Call up a friend who may be single, divorced, or widowed and take time to find out if they are going anywhere for Valentines. If you have a good Downtown area like Greenville, SC, taking a stroll after work while eating ice cream is simple to do. Find a reason not to stay in your room.

Develop a sense of humor. Easy to say for many but really how does one get a sense of humor? It requires having a very positive and light outlook on life. Look around and find something funny. One can even read jokes in the Internet and practice re-telling it to someone with all the punchlines. Soon, you will be very fluent in telling humorous stories. Everyone likes to be with someone who is funny.

Keep in touch with your friends and distant relatives by sending them cards, emails and recent photographs of yourself. Send it a week or a few days before Valentines Day. This will give you a reason to call them up and check if they got the pictures you sent. Initiate some creative activities at work to remove the monotony of your schedule. You can buy donuts and pastries in the morning before you go to work with some heart-theme icing and invite everyone in the office to mingle.

Step 3: Risk Intimacy

Take the first step in social relationships. Do not be timid. Ask the person you are interested with for a chat. You can also invite them for coffee. Make another person feel important by preparing a homemade lunch for them. Isn't it refreshing to know when people are attracted to you?

And if you do steps 1 to 3 and you still feel lonely, what can you do?

Step 4: Find God's Divine Presence

Reach out to others who are lonelier than you. Find the nearest Soup Kitchen in your area and the time they serve lunch. Ask the volunteers how you can help on Valentines Day. You can even just sit around while everyone is eating and initiate a light conversation. You can also visit a hospice, an assisted-living community, a children's hospital. Engage the sick to some conversations and give them some words of encouragement. Touch their hands or bring them some flowers. You can volunteer in a "Special Education" preschool on Valentines Day. You can draw, sing and play with these children.

Remember that God has protected and provided for you in the past and He will provide for you in the future. In the loneliness of others and when others are in despair, be with them. You can find God in them. Then, you will never be lonely.

Sources:

Christian Counselor's Library, Gary R. Collins, Ph.D.
"How To Deal with Loneliness", WikiHow.com