4 Ways to React When Your Child Says 'I Hate You'
Perhaps your child has told you that they hate you at some point in time. I have three children, so I have heard the dreaded words "I hate you" on more than one occasion. Reacting the right way is difficult, but the results are better in the end. Adding fuel to the fire only makes everyone feel worse. What is the correct way to react? Let's take a look at four possibilities.
Calmly hand out punishment for disrespect
Children shouldn't be disrespectful to their parents, and hurtful words are grounds for punishment. Calmly tell them what their punishment will be and explain why. Penalties may include taking away electronics or grounding. Another option is to have your child write a phrase such as "I will not say hurtful things to my parents." They should have to write the chosen words at least 100 times.
React with kindness
Lashing back at your child may feel more natural, but it will only make them more angry in the end. In addition, you will feel guilty once you have calmed down. Reacting with kindness is beneficial to both parent and child. Tell your child, "I'm sorry you feel that way right now, but I still love you."
Offer to talk things out
When someone uses the word hate, it is a signal that there is an underlying problem. Offer to talk to your child, and allow them to tell you what is bothering them. Sometimes it is best to silently listen. At times, an apology may be necessary. It is humbling to apologize to your child, but it is good for children to know that parents are willing to own up to their mistakes.
Ignore them
In some cases, it may be best to ignore your child when they say hurtful things. If they are saying cruel things to try to get a reaction, this is a good time to ignore them. When children speak without thinking in public, it is best to address the issue once you are at home. Yes, tell your child to stop but don't engage in a lengthy conversation. Let them know that you will address the issue at home. Another time to ignore your child is when you need to take a time out. If you are not in the right mindset to react positively, don't react at all. Deal with it when you have had time to calm down and you are able to react in a more positive manner.
Parenting is not easy, and we will make mistakes. Errors can be turned into learning experiences.
More from Rebecca Bardelli:
3 Ways to Catch Your Child in a Lie
Published by Rebecca Bardelli - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle and Sports
Rebecca is a freelance writer who is passionate about writing. She has been writing for enjoyment most of her life. She has content published on Yahoo News, Yahoo omg!, and Yahoo Sports. She also took j... View profile
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15 Comments
Post a CommentAs I read this, I couldn't help but think what would have happened if I had ever dared speak those words to my mother. If I had, I may not be here today to ponder the "what-ifs!" Luckily parenting expectations have changed since then, although sometimes I wonder if they may have changed too far. They way some kids speak to their parents is shocking.
ugh! those dreadful words. it is very hard not to overreact. this is great advice.
Great advice!
Great article, Rebecca, and I do not have human kids. However, kids seem to run the show at the "tween" soccer and lacrosse games--and, the parent reply "ok, honey." My dad used to comment "I hope you know your studies as well as you know the lyrics to that song." I heard that writing will no longer be standard curriculum in most U.S. public schools--I feel that is a mistake as there is something disciplinary, calming, and emoting to writing a letter, term paper, or even post card.
Yes, keyboarding is now essential--I'm not so sure hat texting before teen years is not just taking away communication skills--I think it is taking away much more.
P.S. You write such great animal articles as well--what do you do when your dog says "I Hate You" after brushing his coat, checking for ticks, denying an extra snack, making him come in after an hour walk, etc...the dirty looks are LOUD and CLEAR!!!!:)
Good advice for a hard subject!
Very good advice! I think you should write a book or a blog to help others deal with the tough job of being a parent!
Widsom speaks.
I prefer to react with kindness; even a young child will know what is right from wrong. They will ponder and come back to their senses soon enough. Most can react strongly only with parents; maybe, to make their points heard. We need more patience than them. Once at office, my senior colleague, was totally rude to me, quite unlike him. I diffused the situation saying that we would talk it over later. Though he did not apologize through words, he went much out of the way later, even now after twenty years! My patience then is still paying off! No child can hate a mother for long! Good points made, Rebecca - siva
Logic and good advice (which this IS) notwithstanding, parents get their feelings hurt when they hear these words - and for most of us, we are not at our most thoughtful best when our feelings have been bruised... :-{
Those are some good ideas.