4 Ways I Stabilize My Marriage Financially

I often read about how important the handling of finances is to maintaining a successful relationship, but very seldom in these articles do I actually see examples of how real people handle their financial relationships and what they do to make them work. Part of this might be because many of the authors writing these articles really don't communicate well about money matters at all, they are just writing the article based upon what they think should happen. Another part of this might be that some authors just like to keep their money matters private, and would prefer to make non-specific extrapolations about why and how people should or shouldn't communicate regarding personal finances.

Whatever the reasons, I'd like to take the discussion regarding finances and relationships a step further and explain what my wife and I do to organize the finances for our family and why it works for us. You might find our money relationship a bit strange compared to what you do, but it works well in our situation and as they say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

Separate but Equal -- Finding a System That Works

From the first year we moved in together, my wife and I began splitting our expenses. We did this according to a particular setup we agreed upon. Her purchases were her purchases. My purchases were my purchases. And things like rent, utilities, insurance, groceries, and similar shared items were split down the middle.

At first we had to do this because of my particular college situation. My future wife and I met in college and lived together during the last part of our senior year. At the time, I had to keep separate records for my finances because I had to track and then split my expense total (as decreed in my parents' divorce proceedings) between my mother, father and myself. It worked so well for me and my wife that we just kept doing it after we graduated.

We do the same for our incomes. Since we both work, we both have our own income streams to do with as we please. After twelve years, this arrangement has never changed, and it is amazing how little we argue about money. There is also very little animosity about who spends money, where, and upon what, because a stupid purchase might be a stupid purchase, but the one who spent the money is the one who loses out.

This system probably wouldn't work for everyone, but my point is that we have a system that works, and has worked for us for a long time, and having that system helps us avoid money problems and arguments. This is why it is often so important for couples to find a system that works for them and that helps them reduce financial conflict.

Teaching and Illustrating

My wife has never cared as much about personal finance as I have, and therefore has less knowledge upon the subject. This tends to work out fine for us, as she is willing to let me teach her things and show her how certain decisions can affect our financial situation.

Neither of us is perfect when it comes to our money. My wife is very honest about her purchases and where she spends money, therefore; when she makes poor money decisions or purchases, I try to explain why the decision might not have been the best and show her how it might have been done differently. I do the same thing when I make a mistake (yes, I know it's hard to believe that a man can actually own up to a mistake occasionally) so that we both learn from the experience. This collaboration works to help educate both of us and leads me to my next point, communication.

Communication & Honesty

Communication is a huge aspect of keeping our marriage financially stable. There are no secrets between me and my wife when it comes to our money. In fact, I go out of my way to explain as much as I can to her about all aspects of our personal finances. Part of this I do in the event of my untimely death. The other reason I do this is so that I increase her knowledge of the subject. Even though we keep much of our finances separate, building our collective knowledge on money and personal finance helps make us stronger as a financial family unit.

Assessing the Future

Getting on the same page when it comes to our finances is a great stabilizer in our relationship, however; staying on the same page is something else altogether. It takes time, practice, and patience to maintain a steady financial understanding as a relationship grows and evolves.

In my case, I speak with my wife and discuss her goals and mine for our financial futures so that we can come to an agreement, or at least a compromise that will keep us headed in the same direction financially. We talk about what her goals are, what motivates her, and where she'd like to be in a certain amount of time. By explaining my outlooks on similar aspects, it helps us maintain and coordinate our plans so that we work toward common goals and aren't surprised one day to suddenly find the other ready to retire early or wanting to up and move to Florida to lounge on the beach.

More from this contributor:

Money Talks and so Should You: Discussing Finances with Your Partner

Teaching Your Children About Personal Finance

From the Land of Lincoln to the Land of Taxes: The Proposed Illinois Tax Increase

Disclaimer:

The author is not a licensed financial professional. The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. For financial advice, readers should consult a licensed financial advisor. Any action taken by the reader due to the information provided in this article is solely at the reader's discretion.