44 Lines About 22 Women

The following is part of my life story. None of the names have been changed to protect anyone.

Margaret had a brother Mike
Who threatened to kick my ass

Marie would have jumped my bones
But I never made a pass

Christine's parents were both teachers
An unhappy girl was she

Nicola liked to drink Brave Bulls
But was not the cow for me

Silloo was a family friend
But I wish we would have tried

Sandra wanted to love me
Which just left me terrified

Susan was a punk rock chick
Who wore her hair in braids

Ronnie stuck her tongue in me
Hoping I'd help her with her grades

Lori was a party girl
Who came on to me while drunk

Michelle was there but didn't care
The first time that I dunked

Lilla went to Chapel Hill
And knew her Art History

June wouldn't give me the time
Which was just a mystery

Blair was beautiful and whiny
Though I wished I banged her once

Beth laughed when I asked her out
Which left me feeling like a dunce

Justine was just an airhead
Still I liked her quite a lot

Kim was really too young for me
But the girl could smoke some pot

Anne Marie was a Tigers fan
Who asked for love with her eyes

Tuyet was sweet and charming
What fun I had with my lies

Marjory I never slept with
Because of roommate fears

Becky was a rebound girl
Yet I stayed with her for years

Julie was a gorgeous girl
Except for Nixon's nose

Cheryl's family moved away
Sometimes that's just how it goes

**********

Obviously, this was a cheap imitation of the Nails' 88 Lines about 44 Women. I figured mine wouldn't be half as good, so I made it 44 lines. To any woman in my life that I left out, it was an editing decision and nothing personal.

Paul Simon was a big Mickey Mantle fan. Yet when he wrote about a famous Yankee ballplayer, he used Joe DiMaggio. When asked why he used DiMaggio, Simon replied, "Syllables, Mick, syllables." It's the same thing here.