45 Days in County Jail

On April 27th, 2007, I was sentenced to 45 days in County jail. The public often doesn't know what goes on inside of jails and ought to be more informed of life inside our county jails. The following is my thoughts and recollections.

Before you know what happens inside, you must know how I got here. If you have read My Biggest Secret then you already know the pain behind my story. If you haven't, then before reading this you should know that the last four years have been wrought with mistakes, pain and most of all stupidity. My life seems to have hurtled me to this point at spends nearing that of sound. How does ones life go downhill so quickly without one even noticing?

Fours years ago, I committed embezzlement and was placed on probation. It seems to me now that the punishment for first time offenders is too lenient though at the time I would have disagreed. Looking back, had I received more than a slap on the wrist, I would have changed and now almost four years later I wouldn't be sitting here in this cell. In 2003, I stole $13,500 from my employer and with little remorse was given a 45 day suspended sentence and was placed on probation.

Probation set me on a very loose leash and I was only checked on bi-monthly. I set about the work of rebuilding my life and within three years I was back on track but I never changed. I was doing the same things that had got me into trouble in the first place. Last summer, my past and my present collided. I was arrested again and charged with stealing an additional $13,600 from my new employer.

One might ask how you let the same huge mistake happen in your life a second time. How can one be stupid enough to commit the same crime a second time? I won't take the time to explain in depth the ramblings of my mind but rather give two reasons: lack of punishment and lack of desire to change. When I was arrested this time, I spent four days in jail and lost nearly everything. After a few months of struggling to make it on my own, I swallowed my pride and moved back home. I notified my probation officer and left for New York to start my life over.

In NY, I started looking for a job, an apartment and registered to return to college. I made monthly, sometimes even weekly, trips back to North Carolina, trying to straighten out the mess I had made of my life. As we often find out too late, fixing the mess is harder than doing it right the first time. On March 20, 2007 I got a new probation officer and I was violated on the basis that my previous officer did not properly document my leaving for NY.

On April 27, 2007, I went to court and despite my lawyer battling as hard as he could, my case was lost, my probation revoked and my 45-day sentence activated. As the handcuffs clicked shut so began...day 1.