5 Funny Quotes About Jesus

On Jesus' clothing: "I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party." This was said by John C. Reily as Cal Naughton Jr. in the comedy Talladega Nights.

On Christmas gifts: "Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It's like, 'Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?'" Jesus quote by Jim Gaffigan.

Funny Little Johnny joke: "Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, 'Where is Jesus today?' Steven raises his hand and says, 'He's in Heaven.' Mary answers, 'He's in my heart.' Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, 'He's in our bathroom!' The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. 'Well,' Little Johnny says, 'every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

The mall at Xmas: I generally grow this beard out around Christmas. Then, I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and what I do is generally walk through the mall, just saying, 'No, no, this wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people.' But if there's a Santa at the mall, I'll walk right up to him and I'll go, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.'" Funny quote by Marc Maron.

Christ's image: "The lady was at the Mexican restaurant, saw the image of Christ on a flour tortilla. Christ is not coming back at Taco Bell, y'all. I'm sorry." Funny quote by comedian Loni Love.

Funny Quotes Sources
http://quotations.about.com/od/standupcomedians/a/jimgaffigan.htm
Talladega Nights movie written by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay
http://www.jokes.com/