5 Greatest Cheeseburgers in the United States

Yeah, I'm a food nut. I will stick nearly anything in my mouth and eat it, as long as it isn't trying to eat me, first. Even then, I might duke it out with the offending "I don't want to be eaten" morsel to see who wins. But my favorite food, hands down, is a great cheeseburger. You can keep your foie gras, your escargot, your amazingly hot kung pao whatever. Give me a great, juicy bit of ground beef on a bun, molten cheese dripping from the edges threatening to burn your lips off, slathered in onions and add... whatever.

I try cheeseburgers everywhere I go. Small town, big city, doesn't matter. I look for that joint which the locals say has the best burger in town. I don't rely on the food critics' opinions, they care as much, or more, on how the wait staff kowtows to them as much as the actual food. And the service at the best cheeseburger shacks in the United States is, well... dodgy. Don't piss them off. You might end up on the menu - or wish you had. So, if you have issues with self esteem, don't try any of these five places.

Number Five

The Westport Flea Market, 817 Westport Road, Kansas City, Missouri - Be ready to eat, this burger is about ½ a pound of juicy delicious goodness. Located just a few blocks south of downtown, the neighborhood may seem a bit dodgy, but worth the effort. The Flea Market is open on the weekends, too, to walk off some of the caloric consumption, and there's a hospital just a few blocks away, too.

Number Four

Byron's, 1017 W. Irving Park Road, Chicago, Illinois - Better known for having the best hot dog in the city for something like 2 decades running, their burger might be overlooked by most. But Byron's serves it up - but expect to eat in your car or on foot, because seating is nearly non-existent. Try one with everything, you'll be getting your veggies for the day, too. Open early morning to late night, you never know what celebrity might show up here, just 4 blocks of historic Wrigley Field.

Number Three

Redemak's, 616 East Buffalo Street, New Buffalo, Michigan. Okay, throw out everything I said about the help at all the great burger joints having attitude disorders. Redemak's bills itself, and is, kid and family friendly. And their 6 ounce cheeseburger is a delightful taste sensation, made even more spectacular by the assortment of fresh condiments. No wonder Redemak's says it will "Soon to make New Buffalo Famous," with boaters taking the 30 mile jaunt straight across Lake Michigan from Chicago in the summer months just for their burgers.

Number Two

Five Brothers, all over from Ohio to the Atlantic Ocean, and spreading westward. This is the only chain on the list. Their burgers (sampled in Cleveland) are excellent, huge even if you get one of the "little burgers" (the regular size is a double), and their fries are perfect. You'd think that one of the five brothers who originally started the chain was personally supervising the cooking and meat selection, it's that good.

Number One

Moonshine General Store, Moonshine, Illinois - The best burger, bar none, anywhere on the planet, served up with fries (optional, but recommended) and your choice of condiments. As long as your choice is mustard or ketchup, dill pickle, or onions. I'm not sure the last time the grill in this place was thoroughly cleared of its char - and I hope it never is, because it gives your burger that extra "oomph" to seal in the flavor. Open Monday through Saturday, 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Do not show up at 1:01 and expect to be served, your only response will be the owner pointing at the sign that says "Serving 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m."

This is the one, and only, establishment in Moonshine, Population: 2. And you'll see both of them working at the General Store.