5 Illegal Ways of Making Money During an Economic Downturn.

10 Ways of Saying the Same Thing.

Justin Paxton II, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Oct 25, 2009 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."

Don't you just love the term "economic downturn" I know I do. The term speaks volumes about the double speak we as a species (as no country or nationality is immune to this form of rhetoric) immerse ourselves in. From television commercials to would be world leaders, speaking straight and to the point has become a liability. Newspeak, a term first coined by George Orwell has also become such a part of our daily lives, most if not all no longer note it. Contracted words give way to contracted thoughts, while double speak causes spoken and written words to belie their original meaning. If it be out of nicety or necessity the English language has become a convoluted mess of double meaning and obfuscation. What ever happened to saying what you mean, and meaning what you say? More often than not, we add ten words when 5 would do, or use a string of sentences when one would suffice. It is in this vain that I present the following list. Containing 5 illegal (some more than others) ways of making money. The list is so constructed to illustrate the absurdity of how language can be used or misused.

Disclaimer: The following list is for general educational purposes and is not meant to be a guide; nor an endorsement to commit any of the acts contained herein.

5 doubleplus ungood credit crime.

Non-collateralised withdrawal of unallocated monetary representations from a domestic financial depository.
Premature ownership of a mechanized locomotive conveyance with non-accidental propensity to exchange for government issued barter tokens.
Bargained for consent to engage in rendered futile acts of DNA duplication and transmogrification.
The design and implementation of an artificial means utilizing discreet mathematics to properly ascertain the correct probability quotient prior to notification, in the effort to gain disproportionate leverage while seeking unearned returns on investment.
Sub-institutional proprietorship specialising in voluntary behaviour modification through apothecarius means.

The above list illustrates how we can over verbiage and bloat rather simple ideas. It is a trick of hiding the real meaning with as many words as possible. Although, having too many words can cause confusion and be used to mislead; the following list illustrates Orwell's larger fear: that is contract words and sentences would equal contract thoughts and actions. Below are the same 5 crimes in a form of newspeak as best as I can render Orwell's artificial / predicted language.

1. Pre-ration Crime.

2. Ungood actwise Crime.

3. Sex Crime.

4. Prolgame Crime.

5. Statewise Crime.

Of course in Orwell's 1984 four of the five above crimes couldn't really be committed as society had changed to the point of rendering them meaningless and non-actionable. Sex crime being the only crime that was still an issue for the state.

So, what does this have to do with the price of tea in china? Well, not much really, just another short rant on how the language is being used and abused. I know that I too am guilty of the first list, where I tend to add more and more to a rather simple idea. However, and perhaps it is my own ego speaking out; but the crimes of the first I would rather be guilty than the latter. Having complex thoughts swirling about finding a million incarnations is better, even if occasionally they mislead and darken an otherwise clear picture. And for those of you that are interested, the above 5 very illegal crimes in plan language are as follows.

1. Bank Robbery.

2. GTA with intent to sell.

3. Prostitution

4. Card counting / cheating at gambling

5. Drug Dealing.

Published by Justin Paxton II

I have been a lecturer at the University of Applied Science at Frankfurt for the past 4 years. In addition to teaching technical English, I have been doing Free-lance speech writing for the past 2 years. Int... View profile

5 Illegal Ways of Making Money During an Economic Downturn.

10 Ways of Saying the Same Thing.

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