5 Keys to a Perfect Relationship

Today I did one of the harder things I have had to do in a long time. I said goodbye to the love of my life for the next six weeks. Seeing him walk through the security checkpoint at the airport broke my heart. I know that six weeks is nothing compared to what some couples have to deal with, but it is by far the longest we ever been apart. Being together since eight grade, in the last seven years we have faced many challenges. We live a town apart so before we could drive getting together was done at the convenience of everyone else. We also decided to go to colleges three hours apart. We have successfully made it through all of our previous challenges, but the latest bump in the road got me thinking about what makes our relationship work. I came up with a list of things I found to be essential to our success as a couple.

1. Be Friends First

My boyfriend and I were good friends for more than a year before we started dating. I am not suggesting that you can't date before you're friends that long, but a good quality relationship has a lot of the same elements as a strong friendship. It is important for a relationship to have the casual and non-stressful tone of a friendship. The time you spend together should be fun and relaxed not tense and stuffy. Treat your significant other in the same caring and supportive manner that you treat your best friend. Be silly and playful. Set aside time to play games and goof around. If you can't think of nonsexual things to do together then you may want to re-evaluate your relationship. Being together and having the ability to make even long rainy days into really enjoyable time is a valuable asset to any relationship.

1. Really talk to each other

It is an absolute must to have a good open line of communication. You need to be able to communicate on a deeper level than small talk. For your relationship to be successful you need to be able to talk about it. There should be an open line to discuss and solve any issues, concerns, discomforts, or jealousies that will inevitably come up. It is so beneficial to my own relationship to be able to talk when one of us feels jealous or hurt over something. We also openly discuss when someone comes on to either of us, it saves hard feelings later!

I know all the taboo's about talking about the future in relationships, but I don't care! I support the practice! There is however one condition, be honest. It is only natural to think about the future and all the important people in your life. Why shouldn't your significant other know how they are playing into the picture? Planning for the future allows you to evaluate the present. Thinking in this way about your relationship will allow you to tweak small issues before they turn into things the pair of you are unable to overcome. I am not suggesting that you should plan your wedding and decide on your future children's names on the first date, but you should be able to share if you like where your relationship is now and if you foresee it continuing for a long time. Also, allowing your partner to hear your mental and very tentative plans for the future will allow them to adjust and sway without being blindsided. Sharing your ideals, dreams, and very tentative plans, hopes, and dreams for the future will also give your partner a window into your personality and they will ultimately know and understand you better as a person.

The tone of your discussions should by no means always be serious! Sometimes it is fun to talk about nothing. Share quirky stories about your childhood and your past. Sometimes it is just fun to share whatever comes into your head. This leads into #3.

1. Be Yourself

   Let your true self shine through, don't be afraid. It's okay to be silly and goof around and it's okay to be grouchy and mopey. As we all know our mood changes daily so let it happen. Don't sugar coat and cover up things. When the curtain falls, so could your relationship. Allow your partner to see you as a whole person, faults and all. If your relationship is strong they will love you and everything that is "wrong" with you. Let them see you on a messy, don't get dressed, bad hair, pajama day and challenge them to love you for everything that you are. Remember, no one looks perfect when they wake up in the morning! No one has the perfect life. Real people have real problems and don't have fun all the time. An MTV life doesn't really exist so don't pretend to have one.

   Never let a relationship change who you are. The only condition to that is if it is for the better and you are conscious and willing to make the change to better yourself as a person. My boyfriend has drastically changed my life. I am a better person because of him. He has saved me from becoming crazy and has taught me how to have fun.

2. Be realistic
   For any relationship to be successful both individuals must have realistic expectations. Typically past behavior is the best way to predict future behavior. If a person has cheated or had some other reoccurring issue it is safe to assume it will come up again. Never enter into a relationship assuming you can change, fix, or help the person. You will just become bitter, frustrated, and burnt out.

   in a relationship, gift buying can often be a confusing and stressful time. To avoid this confusion and the embarrassment of over or under spending, set a monetary limit for all gifts. This way each person buys an equivalent gift and there are no hard feelings.

   Don't ever expect your partner to be superman/wonder woman. Never set your expectations for them higher than you would for yourself. If you consistently set extreme expectations, the person will always fall short. You will be disappointed in them even when they may be trying their hardest. Finally, don't expect your significant other to do something just because you would have. They are not you, they have a mind of their ow n.
   
   

3. Know that every decision is not about "you" or "us".

This last piece of advice is one that I struggle with. Our relationship would be so much easier if we didn't go to different colleges 3 hours apart or if we didn't have to spend this time apart in the summer when we would normally be together. However, we both know that we need to be strong individuals. As we quickly approach the end of our college careers we both have to make some life altering choices. It is very true that one another's wishes has an influence on what we are planning, but we cannot let that dictate our decisions. We both offer one another our support and suggestions, but ultimately the decision is our own. Someday we will get married and all the decisions will be about "us", but for now we need to do the thing that is best for ourself.

I want to offer each and every reader the best of luck in all of their current and future relationships. My last piece of advice is this; know when to hold em and know when to fold em. Never put more into a relationship than you can get out of it. You should always get twice the return on your investment!