5 Natural Ways a Relationship Changes with Time

Time changes everything; that is a fact we cannot get around. We all get older with time, our appearance changes, our interests change, and even the way we conduct ourselves in relationship to others change. To many women when a relationship undergoes a natural change it is a signal that their marriage is in danger and they react to it in extremely dangerous ways. Dangerous because their action can easily become the reason the marriage could start failing if it continues. Men too have a bad habit to not realize when something changes because it is time to do so. Where women have a tendency to overreact to changes that do not require any action, men have the predisposition not to react at all when it is necessary. In either case the natural changes may be normal and timely for that reason, but the resulting behavior or lack thereof can end up becoming a problem. With this in mind allow me to point out to you five natural ways a relationship will change.

Exclusive means exclusive

I want to start at the very beginning of a now serious relationship because this is where the very first transition with a major change occurs. You have gone through the various dating stages and now have decided to make a serious commitment to each other. At this point the word exclusive is at its deepest meaning. Unless you have decided as a couple to become a polygamy relationship, this means you have now stopped seeing other people. Here is where the first major issues usually arise. Most of the time each person has some friends of the opposite gender they have hung around with for a long time. Some of them may even be an Ex of some sort and that relationship simply didn't go any further. Now it becomes urgent to decide if keeping those friendships is healthy and even advisable for your relationship. Take a very close look at the friendship and decide for yourself if there is any romantic involvement at all. Is that person extremely demanding of your time, considers you their "property" in any way, does this person seem to have a jealousy issue with your chosen partner, do you have any sexual fantasies about this particular person, is this person single and available? If you can answer yes to any of those questions, you honestly need to decide which relationship is more important to you. If your Friendship with that person of the opposite gender is more valuable to you, then you are not ready to be with your chosen Partner. In any case you need to break it off or you are looking for a huge amount of potential problems in the future. Stop scanning the crowd for a better option. Really, I know that looking is normal, but if you start already looking in this stage for something new and exciting or can't look and honestly decide that you have the best for you option, then you might as well not even go any further. You are not ready for a serious exclusive relationship. Exclusive really does mean exclusive when it comes to partners of the opposite or sexually attractive to you gender.

Together forever doesn't mean spending every waking moment together

In the beginning you couldn't get enough of each other. You couldn't think of anything but each other. Now you are in your relationship for a few years (this usually starts strongly happening around Year three if not a bit before) and suddenly it is as if you are being hit over the head with a stick. You love your partner, but you are getting tired of being with him/her every waking moment of the day. Sometimes you just want to do something by yourself or be by yourself for a few moments. Of course most of us females start to feel guilty about this feeling or start making our guys feels guilty if they express that desire to do so. Feeling the need to be separated for a short amount of time and do something for you or by your-self is normal. It isn't the beginning of the end. If you don't start taking a breather you will sooner or later become tired of seeing the other person and start fights just so you can be alone. Don't do that. Remember that is normal to want some time within reason to your-self and learn to enjoy it for yourself as well.

The shift from Lover, to Spouse and on to Parent.

If this is not one of the hardest emotional and relationship transitions for most people I don't know what? You went from being the center of each others universe, to learning to be an important part to suddenly it often feels like the last thing on your partners radar screen. This is when men have the biggest problem. Suddenly the loving and exciting female they fell in love with turned into the dreaded M. That is right they turned into their Mother. Now I am not saying that there aren't guys out there that love being a Dad, but I would say for most of them it is just something the put up with if they are honest. Men are hardwired to want to continue their family line, but they are also often hardwired not to get too involved once the offspring is there. It suddenly cramps their style.

Women, at least the mothering kind, seem to wrap themselves around their children often times to the exclusion of everything else. Of course the wonderful shape the female had beforehand now has been changed; suddenly her Breasts are used for their natural purpose rather then to attract a mate. Her abdomen may no longer be as tight and "sexy" as it was before. For some males that seems to pose an attraction problem and believe me your wife can feel it. Here is a hint, if you want your female to continue to pay attention to you, don't start making her feel unattractive by suddenly starting to stare at every walking skirt, over doing the porno thing or other really silly behavior. By sharing the parenting chores, you can give her some time to remember that she still is a female. Tell her how beautiful she is and show it to her, it can make a big difference. Ladies, what is happening to you is normal, it is our inbreed way to want to see to our babies first, but that doesn't mean you have to neglect your spouse. If you don't want him to start cheating on you, then it doesn't hurt to sneak in some "Adult only" time with your man. You can dress seductive and still be a mommy at the same time. Remember even Babies have to sleep sometime and even a quickie can be rewarding.

When the lust is gone and the love seems to wane.

Show me a couple that has been together over 7 Years that has never lost their lust for each other or hasn't questioned their relationship and I show you a couple that is not being honest. After living with each others bad habits, irritating behaviors and the every day worries of life every couple will sooner or later look at their partner and wonder what has happened. Sex suddenly seems to be just another chore to be completed (and yes that can happen to both genders especially when their sex drive and tastes were off to begin with) and in extreme cases you can't even remember why you fell in love with this person to begin with. Don't panic, that is normal. It is called boredom with each other and your-self. Every Relationship will go through up and down times in that department. Stress has a huge factor in it. If no abuse is happening, then you can rekindle the love and relationship again. You can make your sex life more exciting again if you are willing to try a few new things and take the pressure of it. Let it happen and don't put it on a schedule. Remember that when you fell in love you fell in love largely with an illusion of what you wanted to see in your partner, now you have to learn to love the real person without the rose colored glasses. As you become older your tolerance for rudeness, certain behaviors, ingratitude etc will eventually become less and less. You may no longer be willing to overlook things you were able to tolerate before. Many of us feel that we gave up our dreams for our Spouses and now feel poorly repaid for that investment. WE as a whole, have unrealistic expectations of our-selves and our partners. Romance Movies give us an idealistic and fairy tale view of what "LOVE" should look like. The reality is that nothing is all Roses. Your marriage probably looks nothing like the Hustler Magazine Stories or Porn Movies you love to read and watch, your wife will not stay the same like the many airbrushed models you see posing for your enjoyment, your husband will not suddenly become the romantic Poet you swoon over or will be able to safe you from every disaster. Real problem ridden love is a lot less exciting in many cases, but a lot more rewarding in the long run then any quick fix fantasy you can dream up. Try to concentrate on your partners good points and don't focus on his/her bad ones.

Becoming your Life Partners best Friend.

Eventually in every relationship there comes a time when there comes a major shift. Romance is no longer that important to either of you and you have already invested a lot of time with each other. I would say at this point you probably know your Partners habits like the back of your own hand. By now you have already realized that you can no longer find fulfillment in your partner, but have to find it in your own self. At this junction in life you have reached a point of maturity that comes from having grown older and hopefully a lot wiser. You have had your children and have raised them. It is back to being just you and your partner, but suddenly you realize that it isn't the same as it used to be. This is the time when you make the shift from simple sex partners, co-parents; to becoming each others best Friend. You would be surprised how many marriages fall apart at this point, because suddenly the common fighting ground is gone. Where before you had something you both stood for and were united for or against, now this is gone and you flounder just a bit.

I say congratulations you have made it this far. You are a rarity these days. Instead of feeling like there is nothing left to do, sit back and realize that your life is only getting started. Now is the time when you both can pursue your own interests (maybe a Goal you had to set away while raising your children) and then come together to share your new found wisdom without expecting the other one to dodge you every step of the way. By now you should be secure enough in each others love and fidelity that you can spend a bit of time away from each other without fearing the worst. Then again you may have become one of those couples that have truly found enough joint interests that you can go on adventures together. Friends don't judge each other harshly, but are supportive of each others dreams. Friends can see through eyes which are not glazed by jealousy, envy or mistrust. To a friend you should be able to confide even your silliest dreams. We often don't feel we can do this to our Spouse because at times it simply doesn't include them. Now is the time to become that friend and go onto an entirely new plateau of your relationship. You are now true life companions.

Each of these stages may come at different times of your life. Some of us develop through them quicker then others. In many cases some of those transitions show us that we are getting older and that brings pain with it. We struggle against them as best we can. Mid-life crises for both men and women can be a death sentence if they turn to affairs instead of towards your partner. We so often concentrate on what we don't have, that we forget what is good in our lives. We are creatures of excitement and get easily bored. Each of these stages bring their own challenges and even blessings with them. It is simply the way you look at them and embrace them. These days relationships often fail, because we have become shaded by quick fixes and easy access living. We as humans no longer seem to believe that anything is worth compromising for and that if it isn't 100% perfect it is not worth having.

I hope that this little overview may help you realize that a relationship is not over, just because it has changed. Changes are good and healthy; it is the way you react to them that can make the big difference.