5 Reasons to Stay Away from Twitter

You've heard all the reasons why Twitter is good for your business or writing. You know that social networking is important and tweeting to friends and co-workers is the next big thing in shameless self-promotion. But have you ever stopped to think about why using Twitter might not be right for you? Here are five reasons that indicate you should stay far, far away.

1. Spending time at the bar really loosens you up verbally.

Some people drunk dial. Other people drunk tweet. If drinking at your local watering hole already brings out your natural tendency to tell embarrassing stories, text former loves, or needlessly update your Facebook status, Twitter may not be the best thing for you. Case in point: After drinking at my corner bar last night, I came home and updated my Facebook status with, "Owww amd fumk an d had a beer." Friends, I apologize. Not only is that embarrassing, but it's a lousy status update to boot.

Twitter is dangerous because of its portability. If I was tweeting from the bar on my fancy phone, I'd have clogged my friends' Twitter feeds with all sorts of misspelled nonsense.

2. Your life is not that interesting.

The great thing about a Facebook status is that it can remain the same for several days. It can disappear entirely if you have nothing to say. Twitter, on the other hand, demands constant attention. If all you did today was pet your cat and eat chips on the couch, no one needs to know that about you. Likewise if you live in a cubicle, love your cats more than humans, or do 18 crosswords a day. Sometimes the less we know about people, the more interesting they seem. Don't spoil your own mystery by letting us in on your mundane routine.

3. You are unhappy about your current employment situation.

Your boss can find you on Twitter. Your co-workers can find you on Twitter. When you send a resume to a potential employer and you remember to put your name and email address on it, your potential employer can find you on Twitter. Stay away from Twitter at all costs if you hate your job. Despite everything you know about why you shouldn't, the urge to tweet your bitterness will become too strong to resist.

4. Your grandmother is already on Twitter.

It's not just that your grandmother and your Great-aunt Melba shouldn't know about the gas you got from that burrito, or the awful date you went on, or why you hate family reunions. I guarantee that there are some things about your relatives that you don't want to know, either. If they got there first, let them have Twitter.

5. You are not usually described as funny.

Twitter is particularly suited to folks who can pull out great one-liners or make witty observations about what's going on around them. There's nothing wrong with being more serious or laid-back than comedic. Tweets that aren't wry or funny tend to get lost in the crowd, though, so Twitter might not be the right social networking tool for you. If you tend to need a little while to form a pithy sentence or just want to keep loved ones in the loop, update your Facebook status instead and leave the Twitterverse for the class clowns.