5 Reasons Why I Will Never Be a Professional Singer

Everyone wants to be a professional singer. I mean, who doesn't want to record albums, get famous, earn lots of money and go on tour? It's a beautiful dream -or was - until I read up voice care. Taking care of your voice involves sacrifice - major sacrifice. So here are five reasons why it's almost impossible for me to be a professional singer:

1 - Spicy food spices up life

Spicy food is bad for your voice. Apparently it causes irritation to the throat and vocal cords, causing us to clear our throats more often, as well as causes acid reflux. I can't imagine life without a constant supply of tomyam, sambal belachan, curry and cili padi. Denying yourself spicy food, when you live in a food haven like Penang, is like constantly being on a sick person's diet - you only get to eat the bland, boring stuff. No more hokkien mee, asam laksa, curry mee or even char koay teow. Speaking of char koay teow...

2 - Fried foods make me happy

That's right. All the fried stuff, like fried chicken, French fries, char koay teow, maggi goreng - and all the other kinds of fried noodles - is bad for your voice. All that oil and salt content causes dryness in the throat which is (apparently) bad for singing. Besides, the fattiness of it all makes you overweight, putting train on the body and voice. (It's also bad for your complexion, but that's another matter altogether.)

3 - Warm ups? What warm ups?

It's a known fact that to protect your voice, you should always warm up before singing, kind of like when you do warm ups before you do actual exercise or work outs. For singing, this includes doing those la-la-la scales, singing random pieces of songs over and over in different keys, rolling your tongue and lip trills. It's also a part of life that I (almost always) forget to do any of these and launch right into the songs I want to sing. Long run? I don't know how long my voice will last with this kind of abuse.

4 - I really love my tea

Okay, this one's a little on the borderline. They say that caffeinated drinks dry your throat, and everyone knows that you need a lot of water and a very healthily wet throat to sing well (and to avoid sore throats). But I really, really love my tea. I have packets of them. Buckets of them. Every day. It probably has less caffeine content than coffee, but it's caffeine all the same. (Some people dispute this. I might just go along with them)

5 - I'm not giving up ice! No way!

The old aunties will tell you that drinking cold drinks isn't healthy. I wasn't made to be healthy. I was made to enjoy the things I enjoy - and ice cold drinks are part of them. Biting ice, as bad as it may be to your teeth as well, is part of the fun. So apparently cold drinks freezes or tightens your throat and makes it hard to sing. Um. Okay.

So my five reasons mayn't be all that huge and issue (to some of you), but you know what, making that record album isn't the only thing in life. I think I'll be perfectly happy continuing my merry way just doing the occasional song presentation or singing in church. That kind of sacrifice... just isn't worth it.