5 Secrets to Handle a Chaotic Marriage

The love of a man and a woman towards his wife and husband, respectively, must be no greater than his love for God. In marriage, God must always be in the triangle. Thus, when the marital clashes turn to severe chaos, you need to call on the third Person in this marriage.

You just have to google in the Internet to realize that your experience is not unique in relationships. In fact, many marriages are faced with similar problems. Marital discords abound in our midst, brought about by addictions, fornications, psychological disorders, financial setbacks and lack of faith to name a few.

Typical counseling sessions with a therapist will advise you to "Get a self-care plan", "Go take a vacation", "Disengage with your spouse so you can take care of your children".

Couples with marital problems escape from each other to get their act together. They still want to actively pursue their marital relationship but at the moment, their senses are overloaded. Their hearts are crushed. They want to get out of the situation so they can evaluate the relationship from a new set of eyes.

There are pitfalls to this approach. Though taking a vacation from your chaotic relationship is a normal stress response, it is also the best route that the enemy wants you to take. It would be very easy for the enemy to "divide and conquer". Think about it. The enemy will dim your lights so your vision blurs. Sometimes, the enemy will flash darkness and despair until you get paranoid of the future. Thus, when chaos is in the relationship, you do the opposite of what you feel like doing and instead stick together with your spouse so you will be stronger as a team.

There is another approach to handle the stress caused by chaotic relationships. It is less expensive to do. You only have to invest in your faith in God.

The 5 Tips

These are the steps that will not only help your relationship but assist you in understanding our God.

1. Seek to be in a state of "calmness" first. You are feeling overwhelmed and extremely anxious because you do not see a solution at hand. But, guess what? You will not even smell a resolution in proximity due to the fact that you are so stressed out. This is the reason why you must seek calmness as a priority. It is in this quietness and stillness where God resides and where you can hear God's voice.

2. Target the Light (God) first so that when Satan confuses you, you can see. You will not bump your head on an obvious wall in front of you. You can see the holes on the ground where you walk. By seeking God first, you will be directed to people that can help you.

3. Seek to conform your will to be in uniform with God's will. What you clamor in your life may be not to your best interests in God's eyes. By reading the works of St. Alphonsus of Liguori entitled "Uniformity with God's Will" , you will understand why you have to ask this question to God: "Is this what you want me to do Lord? Let us will always and ever only what God wills; for so doing, He will press us to His heart."

4. Pray unceasingly for comfort, guidance and strength to bear your marriage tribulation. In prayer and by reading the scriptures, you will be given some Divine wisdom to understand your current predicament and how it all relates to God's plan and will. With utmost trust, God will lighten your burden and your attitude towards your spouse will be more charitable.

5. Force yourself to be gentle in your manner of speaking. In anxiety, we lose our patience. We become harsh and uptight. We tend to have emotional outbursts when we give ourselves the right to get upset. We have the option to be gentle. We can choose something positive to come out of an irresistible, annoying situation with your spouse.

Who could be your model for calmness? The gracefulness of the Mother of Jesus is the epitome of gentleness and calmness. When the angel announced that she will bear in her womb the Son of God, she was so humbled, not frazzled at all by the honor that is given her. When her Son died on the cross, she did not set an example of drama typical in soap operas.

Conclusion:

Though your spouse is causing so much suffering in your family life, you are also seeking God's intervention intensely. You find yourself praying like you've never prayed before. It is during these tribulations, where God will reveal Himself to you. Trials experienced in life always give you a glimpse of the Heavenly Father. Do not be afraid to embrace the cross in your life.

The person, the spouse who is causing you so much grief - you owe that person so much. You just do not know it yet. It is through your spouse that you will understand God : His ways and His Power. Then, you will be humbled in awe with His Greatness. You will see how God will give you what you need for your family to heal. You only have to believe to make it happen.

Source:

Saint Alphonsus de Ligouri, "Uniformity in God's Will"