5 Signs of Domestic Abuse in Men

When 42-year-old Matt Johnson* first called the police after being assaulted by his wife, Laura**, the police refused to press charges. Despite the fact that her assault left him with a swollen eye, they did not view it as a serious issue.

"They just left," recounts Johnson. "All they gave her was a warning."

This was not Johnson's first incident with his wife. The abuse, which began in 2002 shortly after the birth of their first child, began because she believed he was cheating. She punched and kicked him on a daily basis, sometimes leaving bruises on his face or stomach.

Johnson's case is not unusual. According to a recent study released by the U.S. Department of Justice, 835,000 men-or 36 percent of all domestic abuse victims-have been emotionally or physically abused by a spouse. In many cases men do not seek help, often from fear of ridicule.

Are you a victim of domestic abuse? These five signs of domestic abuse are commonly reported in battered men.

5 Signs of Domestic Abuse in Men

Sign #1: She constantly accuses you of cheating, often without reason. A majority of male domestic abuse cases report women hitting or assaulting men because of suspected cheating, and many men accept it as normal behavior. If he retaliates, she may threaten to hurt him more or call the police. This is a sign she may also escalate the violence in the future.

Sign #2: She constantly calls you names or insults everything you do. Some men think it is normal for women to degrade or insult them-they attribute it to PMS or simply "being a woman". Even if physical violence is not involved, emotional abuse is domestic abuse, and it can affect a man's mental and emotional health.

Sign #3: She controls everything you do. She may prevent you from seeing friends, family members or even leaving the house, threatening violence if you do not cooperate. Sometimes she may control how you eat or dress. This is a sign of emotional abuse in men, and its effects can be devastating. According to Science Daily, men who have experienced domestic abuse, including emotional abuse, are three times more likely to develop depression, which can lead to suicide.

Sign #4: She uses physical violence to solve arguments. If she punches, kicks, slaps, chokes, shoves or hits you with hard objects regularly to force you to comply with her demands, it is domestic assault. Loving, respecting partners do not use physical violence to solve arguments.

Sign #5: She has episodes where she assaults you physically or emotionally-and then promises she won't do it again. Abusers have a typical pattern: they threaten, they act on their aggressions, they apologize and then do it again. She may promise to change or give you gifts to show she truly means it, but she still continues with the abuse. According to the Mayo Clinic, this is a common sign of domestic abuse in men. The cycle typically until the man seeks help, or in severe cases, is severely hurt or killed.

Signs of Domestic Abuse in Men: Recognize Them and Seek Help

It is important to remember women are not the only victims of domestic abuse. You may know a man showing signs of domestic abuse right now but don't know how to help. Perhaps he is too ashamed or fears being ridiculed for seeking help. Ignoring the signs of domestic abuse won't stop help men stop the abuse, though, and could escalate the violence.

If you believe you or a loved one is being abused, call 1-888-7HELPLINE or visit dahmw.info. Remember, abuse is not a gender issue-it is a human issue.

* Name has been changed to protect his identity.
** Name has been changed by request.

Sources:
"Getting the Facts: Research About Domestic Violence Against Men" (news.mensactivism.org)
"Men Experience Domestic Violence, With Health Impact" (sciencedaily.com)
"Domestic Violence Against Men: Know the Signs, Seek Help" (mayoclinic.com)