5 Steps to Becoming a Better Negotiator

The first fundamental step of becoming a good negotiator is letting go of the fear of asking for what you want. Many people view asking for things as impolite or pushy, and they convince themselves that asking for something that isn't offered is a futile endeavor. The reality is that you will never ever get what you want if you don't open your mouth and ask for it! Think of scenarios in which you can ask for a better deal than the one you have. Call your credit card company right now and ask them to do better on your interest rate. Call your cable provider and tell them you're thinking of switching to satellite unless they can do better on your monthly rates. Go to a flea market, pick up an item, and say "What is your best price for this?"

At first this may seem downright frightening, but with practice this will be a liberating feeling as you gradually rid yourself of the fear of asking for what you feel that you are entitled to. Don't forget that this isn't limited to money and things, it also has to do with people and time as well. Whether its trying to get a date for Friday night or trying to get your husband to mow the lawn, it's not going to happen by itself. You have to ask!

Step #2 - Understand Your Options

Learning how to ask for what you want is a great start, but it gets a little more difficult from there. Just because you ask doesn't mean you're going to get what you want, so you have to be prepared with facts to support your request. Understanding your options means having a realistic expectation of a feasible outcome. You should go into every negotiation with a clear understanding of what you want to accomplish and yet you need to be flexible to allow for benefits that may not be exactly what you want, but are better than nothing.

In our cable company example, what if you called up hoping to lower your monthly bill by $10 and the representative ultimately offered you free HBO for a year? This isn't exactly what you wanted, and yet if you currently have HBO, than you may save more than you were looking to by receiving it free for a year. By understanding in this case that it may be easier for the cable rep to offer you free channels than to make credits to your bill, you can make the best possible deal for yourself. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't ask for a credit anyway though (see step#1).

Step #3 - Good Negotiations Are Consultative, Not Adversarial

Negotiating gets a horrible reputation from movies and television as being a zero sum game in which someone must lose in order for the other to win. It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to yell, curse, raise your voice, or intimidate to get what you want. You can do it all with a smile and shake hands when its over, and everyone can walk away a winner. So how do we arrive at this optimal outcome?

The key is taking the time to understand the needs of the other person negotiating. What do they need to come out of this a winner in their eyes? Once you know the answer to that question, you can get a feel for how much of what you want is feasible while still allowing the other person to get what they need. Showing the other person that you have their interests at heart builds rapport and trust, and it helps you to establish a mutually beneficial deal.

Back to our cable television negotiation as an example. What is it that the cable company wants? They want you to stay a customer, and order premium channels and services. Rather than calling up with an attitude saying "If I don't get a reduction I'm cancelling", how about trying "I've been a cable customer for X years and I'm trying to lower my monthly bill, do you have any special rates or promotions that would help me lower my bill?"

They may very well say no, but by approaching situations consultatively, more often than not you will get better results than if you went in making demands.

Step #4 - Silence Is Golden

Okay, in Step #1 I told you to practice talking and now I'm telling its also good to be quiet too. Allow me to explain.

Going back to our flea market example in Step #1, you pick up a trumpet marked $50 and ask "What's your best price on this?" After you pose the question, don't say another word until you get an answer. Silence is extremely uncomfortable to a lot of people and they will come up with an answer quickly to alleviate the awkardness of such pregnant pauses. In this scenario, the natural inclination is to lower the price to end the silence. If you speak first after posing the question, you alleviate the awkardness, and the seller is less inclined to make a deal.

This may sound crazy to you, but trust me, it works.

Step #5 - Walk Away

Although your mouth and your ears are the most important negotiating tools you have, don't underestimate the power of your feet! When in doubt, walk away from a negotiation. If it doesn't feel right, or it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't and unless you're a hostage negotiator, there's probably not a huge down side to walking away if the deal isn't right.

Walking away is a technique best employed in a car dealership as nothing makes a car salesman more afraid then a customer going to another car dealer. Doing the old "I'm taking my business elsewhere" routine isn't always going to get you somewhere, but it may be enough to get your point across in certain situations and get you the terms you're looking for. Most importantly, walking away is your best defense for making a bad deal.

Keep in mind that these 5 steps are by no means exhaustive, they're just a good first step towards getting you comfortable negotiating. So get on the phone, or go to the store and start practicing!