5 Surefire Ways of Ruining a 4th of July Party

4th of July party's are hard to ruin. All you really need to have a good one is people you like being around, good food, and a bag full of (probably) legal fireworks. If you are a cheapskate however, it's fairly easy to ruin a perfectly good party on the 4th of July.

Snakes.
Snakes are basically ash strings. You make them by igniting a little puck, and there you go. You make a snake by smoking a cigarette, or cigar. Snakes are meant to be beaten with sticks, not used as a weak way of celebrating anything.

Cherry Bombs.
Cherry bombs should be limited to pranks, and ninja cosplay. Cherry bombs create nothing more than smoke screens. there is no elaborate explosion, no big payoff. No nothing. Unless you put a bunch of these things in a public toilet, it's not very entertaining.

Sparklers.
seriously, what's the deal with the sparkler? From what I can tell, they are great for lighting a bunch of real fireworks. That's it. they serve no other useful, or noticeable purpose. If anything, that's one useful purpose to have. That way, you won't have to waste all of your matches. It's basically defective incense. Smells horrible after lit.

Poppers.
If you like messing with dogs, get a handful of poppers, and throw them down one by one. It's annoying. If you get bitten, it's your own bloody fault for antagonizing man's best friend. Unless you're making a low budget western, there is no reason to buy poppers.

Party Poppers.
Why do these things come in two flavors? Who wanted another version of the popper? Why are party poppers shaped like little jugs of whiskey? What kind of weak party has booze, and party poppers all in the same place? What's the price of admission?