5 Things Every Husband Can Do to Get More Sex in the New Year

For most men sex is the gateway to intimacy. The physical connection of making love is one of the ways in which men feel closer emotionally to their wives. Unfortunately for most husbands, emotional intimacy is often a prerequisite for physical intimacy for women. Women need to feel loved in order to give up the goods and men often need sex in order to show their love. This might sound like a recipe for sexual frustration and major relationship conflicts, and for some couples it is, but it doesn't have to be that way. Here are 5 non-sexual things every husband can do today to increase your chances of "getting busy" tonight.

1. Touch her softly. No, I don't mean there! This is a list of non-sexual tips, remember? Everyone loves to be touched gently and affectionately by their partner. The problem is that husband's usually go in for the goods and even when you don't make a bee-line for her bra hook, your wife knows your moves well enough by now that its easy for every touch to feel like a request for sex. Learn to use touch as a way to initiate intimacy, not just sex. By using touch as an intimate connection rather than simply a means to get in her pants, you can help your wife get in the mood without feeling pressured to perform. Not sure where to start? Think of any body part that would seem inappropriate to touch on a stranger or co-worker without crossing the line to sexual harassment. Caressing her face, stroking her hair, or even holding your wife's hand as you drive the kids to soccer practice can really heat things up later.

2. Give a genuine compliment. This one takes some effort on your part. It is not enough to say 'you like pretty' or 'great dinner'. This is an opportunity to tell your wife in specific terms just what you love and appreciate about her. Is she working hard on a new project? Compliment her successes or dedication. Maybe she really does look pretty in her new black dress; go ahead and tell her. Just be specific; 'nice dress' and 'your legs look fantastic in that dress' are very different compliments. Trust me; the impact is in the details.

3. Be helpful- do something without being asked, or ask what you can do to help. Acts of service are a great way to let your partner know how important she is to you. Often our most precious commodity is time and so when you are generous with your time and energy you send a clear message about where your wife stands in your list of priorities. It can be as simple as picking up the slack for her during an especially busy day or doing something out of the ordinary like getting her car washed or bringing home dinner before she has a chance to cook. Just remember that what you think is helpful may not be all that important to her, so don't be afraid to ask first.

4. Remind her of your courtship. Remember those early days...romantic dinners, holding hands in the park, late-night phone calls. Help her to remember those days too. While the general consensus among researchers is that the "lovers high" we all experience in the early phases of courtship generally fades over time; a recent study showed that some couples are capable of sustaining that phase for decades. Part of their success is learning to see your spouse through rose-colored glasses and treating her accordingly. Think back to the little gestures of love and romance that you used to do and try to do it again; at least once a week. Too busy at work to call her everyday like you used to? Why not send a text message between meetings to let her know you're thinking of her. Can't afford to send fancy bouquets anymore? Pick up a bunch of daisies from the grocery store the next time she asks you to stop for milk. If you can find ways to remind her of what it was like to be young and in love, there is a good chance she'll find some ways to remind you of what it felt like to be young and in lust.

5. Tell her why you want to have sex with her. In long-term relationships it's easy to let every aspect of life simply become routine, even where sex is concerned. Over time, what was once an exciting moment of passion can become just another need that has to be met like eating dinner or taking a shower. Make the time to tell your partner (and remind yourself) all the reasons that you love having sex with her. There are plenty of reasons that we all enjoy sex in general but there are specific reasons that sex with a spouse is a special and necessary part of your life together. Let her know that sex with her is not just about satisfying a primal urge or releasing some pent-up energy but is an expression of your love and commitment to her and only her. It also never hurts to remind her just how hot and sexy you think she is... even in those flannel pajamas.