5 Things About Grocery Stores I Don't Understand

The world is full of common, everyday events that just don't make any sense to me. Most people are lucky enough to go through life with blinders on and not pay any attention to these little quirks that are happening all around us. I am not so fortunate. For some reason I notice these oddities and when I do they drive me nuts. I know for most of them there is no logical explanation but I have a hard time accepting, "That's just the way it is." I need answers! Unfortunately they rarely come. One such place where numerous questions abound but no answers are provided is at the grocery store. I have come to loathe grocery shopping for this very reason. Here is the short list of things I don't understand about grocery stores.

#5. Why do grocery stores continue to sell items when right next to them sits the New and Improved version? If you liked the product well enough to buy it in the first place, and now it is even better, wouldn't you buy the better one? No, I want the stuff that doesn't work as well, that is good enough. Maybe they just have a whole pallet load of the old wasn't doing the job stuff they can't send back so they need to leave it, but then shouldn't they at least mark it down? This of course opens up a whole other can of questions like why if the product is selling bother making a new one and why didn't they just make the product good to begin with so it wouldn't need to be improved and why should I even buy a product from a company who by improving their product is admitting for years they duped me into buying inferior quality stuff? I guess those questions are for the manufactures though not the grocery stores.

#4. Why does the person in front of me always want to write a check and despite standing in line for what seems like a decade never actually begin to write the check until every last item has been scanned? Are they waiting to see if they have enough in their account to cover it or are they just stupid? Seriously, does anyone really ever cut it that close? One would think someone after filling a cart that full would want to do whatever possible to speed their departure along, but oh no. My only fathomable explanation for this is that the person actually spent so much time in the store and in the line that the date might have indeed changed from when they entered the store.

#3. Now everyone knows that grocery stores all have a surplus of lanes that will never be used even during the busiest of holiday shopping sprees. This is so they have a place for the magazines and candy bars. I get that. However, what I don't understand is how come whenever the lines are full, and I have been waiting in one for close to seventeen minutes (I keep track) does the clerk who has been preparing to open for thirteen of those minutes always wait until I finally pass the point of no escape and just move into the checkout stall, not actually to the point where it is my turn but just far enough that I am boxed in, before he or she flips on the light? I hate that! Sure I could have gambled and left my line to go to her but I have tried that and lost on numerous occasions. Either she isn't really opening, or she is waiting for change, or the register is out of tape or whatever, there was always an excuse that undoubtedly did not save me any time at all.

#2. Why, in all the history of man kind, has no one ever enforced the 10 items or less law? Remember in the film, Pirates of the Caribbean, how they said what about the code and someone else said they are more like guidelines? I guess, and by all means it is only a guess, this falls into that same category. Now I am not complaining about the person who has seven apples, three oranges, six bananas and a jar of mayo, though if you wanted to get technical I'd be there backing you up, I'm talking about the lady with a full shopping cart worth. I say lady because it has always been one so no offense. Believe it or not I once, and only once, called out a lady on this, if looking down and speaking almost inaudibly counts as calling someone out. To my astonishment she heard me and justified her indiscretion by telling me that she was making salads and desserts and when she was done there would in fact be less then ten of them. What could I say? She knew she was breaking the law, in fact I would say it was even premeditated, but she had devised the perfect lie and I was left to shamefully wallow in my embarrassment while all the regular lines moved forward and this lady, or should I say master criminal, proceeded to write a check.

#1. Why do grocery stores put up signs which read "fresh produce"? Shouldn't that just be a given? I mean, I understand labeling the aisles so people can locate particular items but why does it simply not say "produce"? Does anyone go into a grocery store hoping to find a wilting rutabaga or moldy kiwi? I would hope that everything I buy at a grocery store is relatively fresh yet I don't avoid spaghetti because the sign merely reads "pasta." I guess like everything else this has a reason, but again, it eludes me and I am left dwelling on what are seemingly irrelevant occurrences.