5 Things that Will Always Go Wrong at Every Grammar School Assembly

Schools have been putting on assemblies for years, but still manage to get everything wrong. Christmas, Thanksgiving, plays, awards, and other assemblies will all go horribly wrong, but it's odd that the same things go wrong at every assembly. Following are the 5 things that are guaranteed to go wrong at every assembly you attend for your child.

#1: Seating Arrangements

For some reason parents outnumber the children and school staff at every assembly - which leads to a seat shortage. Finding a seat in a school assembly is like finding money on a crowded street. Whether you're late or not, you'd be wrong to assume that you could find a seat in the assembly audience.

Even if you manage to find a seat, the seats at the school assembly were designed for children, not adults. The leg numbing, stain filled, children sized seats, will make you reconsider standing.

#2: The Music

There's music at every assembly and it's always wrong on so many levels. You attended the school assembly to watch your child perform, but wind up listening to a large group of off key children and hyper music director, get every song wrong.

The music director has the hard task of teaching a group of children to sing, remember lyrics, and stop picking in their noses; which makes it nearly impossible for the children to learn the songs for the school assembly.

The songs aren't the only thing to go wrong at the assembly; parents will also be forced to listen to the off-key piano, poor singing of the director, and the mandatory microphone feedback that happens at every school assembly.

#3: The Audience

Not everything that goes wrong at your child's assembly happens on stage; actually most of it happens in the audience. The audience of a school assembly is filled with proud parents, babies, and loud children that will find every way possible to make the assembly go wrong.

In every school assembly audience you'll encounter parents that never turn off their cell phones, kids that have to use the bathroom, and that person with the big hair in front of you - that you can't see past.

#4: Staying On Time

Your child's assembly never starts on time, runs over time, and takes forever to get out of (more on this later). By the time the school staff gets everyone quite after singing the national anthem, 30 minutes has already passed.

Whoever put together the brochures for the assembly got the timing completely wrong. They didn't take into account the time it takes to get the children on and off the stage, the time it takes to quite the audience or the "special" surprises and improv the assembly directors decide to perform once the audience is held hostage.

#5: Getting Out Alive

When the school assembly comes to an end; everyone in the audience starts to eye the exits - and it all goes wrong after that. There are only one (or two) exits and everyone wants out - first.

The confusion and lack of an exit plan leads to lots of squirming, squishing, pushing, and time wasted trying to get out of the school alive. Once you manage to get out of the auditorium, you'll have to continue to wait as parents try to get their children an early dismissal or locate other family members that were lost in the audience.

Outside of the school, you'll find a traffic jam and lots of angry parents as you realize that you should have just left a tad bit earlier.