5 Tips for Breaking the Cycle of Sexual Addiction

Are you or someone you know stuck in the cycle of sexual addiction? Are you or the person you know unsure on how to go about in breaking the cycle of sexual addiction? To help understand what type of impact the cycle of sexual addiction can have on someone's overall life and for tips for breaking the cycle of sexual addiction, I have interviewed psychotherapist Larry Conner MA LPC.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a Licensed Professional Counselor practicing in Portland, Oregon . I have a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology from Lewis and Clark College. A good part of my experience over the last 24 years has been in the treatment of various addictions, including sex addiction. I have been in private practice for 19 years."

What type of impact can the cycle of sexual addiction have on someone's overall life?
"There is a current debate among therapists as to whether or not sex addiction can be a real addiction. One group argues that a person cannot be addicted to a natural process that takes place inside the body. The other group looks instead at the patterns of repetitive sexual behavior that a sex addict continues to engage in, even though there are negative consequences. That is the hallmark of how an addiction is defined. This second group argues that a sex addict has a brain that is highly responsive to sexual arousal and thus wants to repeatedly go back to that arousal no matter the cost.

I understand the rationale of the first group, but I lean toward the second. Before coming to see me, my sex-addicted clients have all tried to stop their addictive sexual behaviors and have failed. They have engaged in all kinds of sexual behavior ranging from multiple affairs, sex with strangers, risky sexual behavior, regular use of prostitution, compulsively going to strip clubs, impulsive cybersex, or chronic masturbation to the point of injuring themselves. However, the most common complaint today is the compulsive use of online pornography. A huge variety of sexual images available only a click away can be very hard for certain people to resist.

Internet pornography can be so addictive that many who work with sex addicts refer to it as the crack cocaine of sex addiction. That suggests how highly and quickly addictive it can be for those who are susceptible to it.

The cost of sex addiction can be measured in emotional isolation, depression, divorce, legal problems, loss of job, or health problems resulting from sexually transmitted diseases or dangerous sexual behavior. Yet, to me, the overwhelming cost of sex addiction is in the intense shame and humiliation individual sex addicts feel deep inside themselves. I firmly believe, in order to find a measure of peace, that sex addicts must find a way to stop their addictive sexual behaviors and reduce the shame that is so destructive to them."

What are some tips for breaking the cycle of sexual addiction?
"The following are my tips for breaking the cycle of sexual addiction:

1. In order to break the cycle, a sex addict has to acknowledge there is a problem. Only then can he or she find help. Addicts must look at their behaviors honestly. To get to this point, all addicts have to feel some pain. If the pain of the addiction is great enough, the addict is more likely to admit there is a problem and seek help. So partners should be careful to not shield sex addicts from feeling the pain that can lead them to change their lives. That may mean kicking the sex addict out of the house. That can be a very difficult thing for a partner to do, but it can be very helpful.

2. Sex addicts need to realize that they need help. An addict who is isolated within the addiction needs the help of others who know something about sex addiction recovery. That is the purpose of 12 Step programs like Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or Sexual Compulsives Anonymous . When people come together to support each other, seemingly impossible situations can be managed and changed.

3. It is fair to say that all addictions have an impact on the partner. This is overwhelmingly true of sex addiction. The partner of a sex addict carries a wound that is deeply personal. So, when a sex addict gets into recovery, the partner needs help and support too. And the sex addict has to be patient as the partner works through the years of pain, fear and distrust he or she carries. There are 12 Step programs for partners of sex addicts like Sanon or Cosa. Often the partner can benefit from therapy provided by someone who understands the plight of the partner of a sex addict.

4. It is important to remember that all human beings are sexual creatures. Sex addicts will continue to have sexual thoughts and feelings. It is important for them to learn how to direct their sexuality to serve intimacy and love rather than merely to be a way to feel high or to numb their emotional pain. It is a good sign when a sex addict recognizes that he or she knows a lot about having sex but nothing about making love. Sex addicts need to discover that sex has an enormously beautiful role in a loving and intimate relationship .

5. Sometimes sex addiction has its roots in molestation. It is not uncommon for a survivor of sex abuse to find himself reenacting a pattern that was first experienced when he was molested or when he was exposed to sexuality at too early an age. He will likely not be aware of that until it is pointed out to him. The same is true of women who suffer from sex addiction. My advice is to learn to be honest about where the patterns of addiction began and, if there is a trauma element, to find a therapist who can help with managing the link between the trauma and sex addiction."

What type of professional help is available for someone that has a difficult time breaking the cycle of sexual addiction on their own?
"This is a good time to get help with sex addiction because every year there are more and more therapists who have experience helping sex addicts. Many of them have earned a credential as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Some therapists offer outpatient treatment programs where a group of sex addicts go through a treatment process just as alcoholics or drug addicts often do. There are also a number of very good treatment programs throughout the country that offer residential treatment for sex addiction.

I invite any of your readers who are worried about sex addiction to reach out for help. The 12 Step programs for sex addicts I mentioned earlier all have websites with helpful information and information about meeting sites. Therapists with experience treating sex addiction can be found online at websites like Psychology Today ."

Thank you Larry for doing the interview on tips for breaking the cycle of sexual addiction. For more information on Larry Conner or his work you can check out his website at www.larryconnercounseling.com.

Recommended Readings:
How to Overcome Internet Sex Addiction

Sex Therapy