5 Tips on Ending a Relationship

One of the most difficult choices a person will have to make is breaking another's heart. Dumping, breaking up with, and ending a relationship can hurt both parties regardless of the aura of the relationship, past and present, and it can be equally morose for the Dumper as it is for the Dumpee. That is, depending on how the Dumper goes about the task, that person can create extreme bitterness, or a life-long friend. Do not misinterpret, though: Just because you follow these steps and are kind to the person doesn't mean that they will continue a platonic relationship, it merely gives a greater chance for that.

Here are 5 rules as to what is preferred and what is most looked down upon in breaking up with a person. These are of course only necessary if you want the break up to be as amiable as possible.

1. When possible, face to face is best. While there are certainly instances when this cannot happen (i.e. in very long distance relationships), suck it up and look at person in the face. It shows that you respect them and care for them. It also give you a chance to follow some of the other rules on this list. Do not use email! That is a cop out. It shows that you cared nothing for the person, and it gives them no chance of closure.

2. Show that you care. People want to know that they've made an impact on others' lives, and so you need to let the person you are breaking up with know that you aren't happy about this either. They need to know that it hurts you and that you will be sad, because it hurts to lose someone you care about, and people want to know that you cared about them. Don't avoid discussing your feelings! There are two people being effected here, show them how it effects you.

3. Tell them you are giving them space. It's not a scientific study, but in my experience, men want to be left alone and women want to be comforted. Let them know that you are giving them time alone, without you, otherwise they may believe you are ignoring them. This is especially important if you want to remain friends with them. Do not ignore them! If your ex comes to you, whether it be looking to bargain about the relationship, or for closure, it will only make them more frantic if you ignore their pleas. It is not necessary to date them again or to give in, but just restating your purposes for breaking up, perhaps with more clarification, will help.

4. Keep certain information to yourself. Obviously, if you have been cheating on a person, then they have a right to know, but if you have some innocuous information that could surface just out of spite, keep your mouth shut. It will only make you out to be the bad guy, and your goal should be not to create such a polarized situation. Do not list their faults, for every fault you have of them, they have one for you. Trust me, you probably aren't breaking up because she hogs the sheets or his table manners aren't the best, so it's not necessary to make that public.

5. Be sincere about a post-break up friendship. Not every couple will or can remain friends after having dated, but if you want to make that happen, actually try. Don't just say "Let's remain friends" just to make that person feel better, because once you don't even try, you will be at fault, and they will have one more thing to dislike about you.

Once again, these are tips for if you actually want to be nice. Sure, there are malicious people out there who want to crush a person for whatever reason, and so by all means, those people, just follow the bold "Don'ts". Everyone else, when it happens, if it happens, and I certainly hope it doesn't, try to follow this model. In the future, it will hurt less.