5 Tongue-in-Cheek Ways to Spend Your Economic Stimulus Money

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard by now that the U.S. government is strongly leaning towards giving each American taxpayer a $500 check to help "stimulate" the economy. People can use the money however they wish. I've compiled a short list of some of the more unique ways we can waste, err..spend..our money!

1) Purchase enough socks to wear a new pair everyday for an entire year.

Does this really need any explanation? Who wouldn't want to wear a brand new, fresh pair of socks EVERY SINGLE DAY for 365 day?! In fact, this is one of the most common things that lottery winners do after they hit it big. Some may choose to replace the word "socks" with "underwear" or "t-shirts" but the principle remains the same. Delightful!

2) Shopping spree at the 99-cent store!

What better way to feel like a rich person than to go on a shopping spree? And with 500 big ones, you can purchase a whopping 465 items at the dollar store (I did you a favor and factored in the average tax rate, otherwise it'd be 500 items). That means 465 bottles of generic shampoo! Or 465 bottles of "If you like Tommy Hilfiger, try ours!" cologne. Heck, you could probably even find some super cheap socks and still have enough cash left over to get some dollar shoes.

3) Send your money to me.

C'mon now, you knew this would be on the list! If you can't decide on what to do with all that free cash, send it over my way. I will definitely put it to good use. The economy will surely be stimulated after I get done spending our cash. Did someone say Caribbean vacation on a new private yacht?

4) Put it all on black (or red).

The only thing better than $500 is $1000! Take a chance at the roulette tables. It's a win-win situation: Even if it doesn't land on your color, at least you'll be helping the economy.

5) Get a new computer.

That's right, because I know it probably took you 6 minutes too long to load this page. These days, $500 bucks can get you a fairly nice system, at least something better than that piece of crap you're using now.

Well, that's about all I got. I'd say 5 choices is plenty. I hope you all decide on sending your cash to me, but if not, then I'll be sure to see you in Atlantic City. Till next time!