5 New Uses for the Playoff Beard

The NHL playoff beard is an institution. It's a time honored tradition and it's a glorious event. Seeing a playoff beard in all of its glory is what I assume it would be like to witness the birth of your first child. Breathtaking, magical...one considers himself blessed to just be included in such a miraculous event.

So how else can we incorporate the concept of the playoff beard into our lives? There must be other scenarios in which we can harness this great and majestic power. Here are 5 new areas where the ritual lack of shaving could benefit all of us.

Election Beards: Each presidential candidate begins growing their election beard as soon as they officially receive the nomination. The candidate with the best beard come election day automatically wins the electoral votes of Florida and Ohio. One has to assume that if Al Gore had grown his beard during the election instead of in his resulting mourning, things would have turned out quite differently.

Hibernation Beards: Starting from the first day of winter each year, a hibernation beard is grown. The beard remains until the first day of spring, when the bearded becomes born anew, clean shaven, in an annual rite of rebirth.

Relationship Beards: Signaling his commitment to a new relationship, a man begins to grow a new beard when he begins his courtship with a young lady. The commitment to grow the beard and nourish his love remains entwined together, like the coarse, curling hairs beneath his chin. The beard lasts as long as the relationship does.

Job Search Beards: What better way could there be to show a prospective employer you have the dedication to apply yourself in a new line of work than by growing a job search beard as you look for employment? Undeterred after months of failed interviews, your job search beard will stand as a testament to your initiative and drive to succeed.

Dieting Beards: Is it time to lose some weight? Then you might want to consider growing a corresponding dieting beard. Have you lost that second chin, or is it masked by the timely dieting beard? Nobody knows but you. Conversely, have friends and relatives keep you in line as they spot junk food crumbs in your beard, ruining your secretive, daily snack rendezvous.

We can all use a little more NHL playoff beard in our lives. Grow your own at the appropriate time and watch as your success in all life endeavors soars to new heights. You'll command respect, show your fortitude and your dedication and be a man amongst boys.