5 Valuable Management Lessons

I have actually dozed off at some of the training and management courses that I have attended throughout my career. It was literally "in one ear, out the other". As such, I will present the following valuable, salient management lessons in a witty format so that you do not suffer the same fate.

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is leaving it when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. It's Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she can say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you US$800 to drop the towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel. Bob hands her the money and leaves. The woman goes back upstairs. Her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "Did he say anything about the US$800 he owes me?"

Moral: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A salesman, an administration clerk and a manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie appears. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the clerk. "I want to be in Hawaii, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world," Pouff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the salesman. "I want to be in Phuket, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of cocktails and the love of my live by my side." Pouff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the genie says to the manager. "I want those two back in the office after lunch," he replies.

Moral: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

An eagle is sitting in a tree, resting. A small rabbit sees the eagle and asks, "Can I also sit and do nothing?" The eagle answers: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sits on the ground and rests. Suddenly, a fox appears, jumps on the rabbit and eats it.

Moral: To sit and do nothing, you must do so very, very high up.

Lesson 4

A turkey is chatting is chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," he sighs, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replies the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecks at a lump of dung and finds that it actually gives him enough strength to reach the lowest branch. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch. Two days later, the turkey reaches the top of the tree. Spotting him there, a farmer then shoots him out of the tree.

Moral: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground. A monkey stumbled upon it and scooped it up. As the frozen bird lay in the monkey's warm hand, he realized that he was actually thawing him out! All warm and happy, he soon began to sing for joy. A passing eagle heard him and swooped down to investigate. The eagle snatched the bird from the monkey and ate him.

Moral:

1) Not everyone who catches you out is your enemy

2) Not everyone who rescues you is your friend

3) And sometimes, when you're in dire straights, it's best to keep your mouth shut!