5 Way My Life Changed After I Became a Parent

It's been more than twenty plus years ago when I became a parent and I can recall the almost as clearly as it was yesterday. Labor pains and cravings aside, I remember the moment my daughter was born and how I instantly felt that I understood God's design and my ultimate purpose in life. And, by the time the terrible twos hit, I was certain that no one warned me about all this and I doubted my child would survive this parenting experiment. While all my children have survived to adulthood and don't openly hate me, I do confess that becoming a parent changes an individual in good and bad ways. For me, the five major changes in my life were:

1. Privacy is a Group Thing

If you have ever loved quiet time in the tub or enjoying a nice cup of your favorite ice cream, fudge sauce and oreos included, you will be in for a initial shock when you become a parent. When your children are smaller (and non-ambulatory), you are able to partake of some of these guilty pleasures, but once your child can cruise through the house, certain aspects of privacy end.

If you want to go to the bathroom, be prepared for the door to be busted open with requests for toys, food or even the remote control. Be prepared for a short nap to involve your child and his favorite snuggly toy. With locks not being an option, any hope of intimate handholding and petting from your significant other will be relegated to inconveniently timed rendezvous.

2. What's Yours is Theirs' and What's Theirs' is Subject to Debate

Whether it's a bowl of Life cereal or your special edition Star Trek glasses, the concept of community property will include your little ones once you become a parent. Anything within arms reach will be claimed. That antique broche will be a winner for Princess and tea time. That autographed Dan Marino football will sail farther during that playdate game of catch. And, of course, those golden rimmed brandy snifters are perfect for mountains of pudding.

However, community property rights don't flow both ways. You cannot drink your your child's cup, slip on a pair of socks or borrow that classic School House Rock DVD without various oral certifications. When it comes to food and drinks, your older children will swear that you will contaminate their property. Germs are something only parents seem to have. For things you purchased with your hard earned money, schedules, permission and return policies, tighter than the local library, must be adhered to. Otherwise, you feel as though you are accused of base treachery for simply wanting to sit and watch their favorite video.

3. Body Image is Relative

When your older children pull out your skinny pictures and say things like "I can see why dad (or mom) might have thought you were hot," you realize something changed after you had children. While mother's can claim (for at least two decades) that their bodies were not the same after childbirth. Fathers, justified with sympathy and stress eating, can claim the same.

Once you become a parent, certain things like the latest style or the newest line of Bandalinos takes a backseat to basic needs of your child for cuddly, encouraging, feeding and socializing. Scrunches and hair clips replace Red Door massages and celebrity hair styles. Time at the gym is replaced by a morning in the park. A gourmet meal is replaced by drive-through fast food. Over time, you realize that you can accept yourself in all your new glory as a parent and that being the most beautiful person is the room is relative to how your child feels about you (and no one else.)

4. Butterflies and Unicorns

When I was a child, movies did not show women being beaten, lewd sexual behavior and drug use! Okay, I am not being completely honest! But, as a parent, you don't want to think that you wanted to see these things, because now that you are a parent, you don't want your kids to see these things.

Regardless of what studies say about psychological harm, desensitivization to violence and cultural apathy, you want to raise your child in a morally perfect world. You want to shield your child from all the ills that truly exist and you want them to hold on to some bit of innocence as long as you can. That's why we weave tales of Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairies. We read fairy tales and sing Barney-esque songs to them.

After I became a parent, I dropped horror films and sci-fi for the more child friendly Sesame Street. I saw no adult movies, but waited excitedly for the next Disney animated classic. I replaced WWE with Discovery channel shows on the wild kingdom.

5. There's Risk Involved

Possibly the most amazing thing that happened after my children were born was that I realized that my goals could not take priority over my children's needs. While this may be a emotional decision, few realize that it's also a legal and societal obligation.

Children must be clothed, fed, cleaned, and nurtured. In the absence of any one of these things, parents will face obstacles. Schools, the government and even your family will begin to judge you as a person based on how you take care of your child. You miss too many school activities, you failed to make an important doctor's appointment, or you don't feel like wrestling your child during bath time.

Once my children arrived, I realized that I risked loosing them if I did not stay on top of every aspect of their lives. Raising physically healthy children is just one part of parenting. Helping your child explore talents, make friends and even learn to love themselves are also responsibilities of a parent. And, parenting, whether great or simply adequate, takes time and great effort .

The birth of each of my children remain some of the happiest days of my life. My very existence was not forfeited because of them, but enriched by them. While I accept these subtle changes, they are more than worth the reward I receive when my, now adult, children call me "Mom."