5 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Today, in our sin-ridden society, just about anything goes. It is no longer foreign to see same sex "unions", babies having babies, elementary children carrying drugs and deadly weapons to school, and a host of other problematic situations. Marriage, above all relationships, is supposed to be the most sacred union on the planet. It is to be highly regarded and respected by all, and most importantly, it mirrors a believer's relationship with Jesus Christ. (i.e. Christ being the bridegroom coming for His bride - the Church (believers) see Revelation 19:7-8,) However, the sanctity of marriage over the last few decades has declined tremendously. People are finding it harmless to have an affair every now and then. Other couples are even welcoming infidelity into their marriage by becoming "swingers", which basically means couples having mutual sexual relationships with other couples. Many of them claim that it has enhanced intimacy within their own marriage and they swear by it. What?! You've got to be kidding me!

Affair-proofing makes me think of child-proofing. How so? Well, think about it... We child-proof our homes in hopes of preventing our child (ren) from harming themselves and getting into dangerous situations. These interesting little doo-hickeys aren't always 100% effective though. A persistent child may pull out the plug covers, break the snaps off the cabinet doors, knock down the protective gates, etc... Ironically so, affair-proofing is very similar. As a wife, I can put up all the "barriers" and "protective measures" on the planet, but there is always a possibility of infidelity slipping in and doing its dirty work. "So why affair-proof, Tika?!" you may be exclaiming. While nothing is 100% when it comes to "proofing" anything, a marriage is more likely to survive the storms that are bound to blow if both parties are committed and proactive about doing the following five things:

1) Pray together. "Praying together may be the single most important spiritual discipline you and your spouse will ever share," says Dennis and Barbara Rainey, authors of Growing a Spiritually Strong Family and Moments Together for Couples. I wholeheartedly agree! Prayer is the spiritual glue that will keep you and your spouse bonded for years to come. It helps to reduce conflict, strengthen communication with and understanding of one another, and knit your hearts together in unfathomable ways. I dare you to sincerely seek the Lord Jesus Christ, and start praying with your spouse today. I'd love to hear how God has blessed your union through this precious time together.

Links to supporting scriptures: Philippians 4:6-7,1 Thessalonians 5:17, and Mark 14:38

2) Set boundaries. Basically, don't put yourselves in sticky situations that could open the door to temptation and sin. In other words, be careful about being alone with a member of the opposite sex. Here are some do not's... DO NOT eat meals alone with him/her, DO NOT ride in cars alone with him/her, DO NOT have lengthy conversations with him/her, DO NOT meet in private and behind closed doors with him/her. I know this sounds unreasonable and may even be unavoidable at all times, but it's definitely doable most of the time! All of this alone time can create an intimate environment where one thing leads to another; something that is meant to be solely shared with your spouse. Perhaps some of you have mutual friends between yourself and your spouse that you each trust. Maybe you and your friend are like a "sister or a "brother" to one another, and you and your spouse have an understanding. Fine. I can relate to this; however, you still must use a considerable amount of discretion within your friendship. Satan is extremely crafty and he's been doing his job of stealing, killing, and destroying (John 10:10) for a very long time. He has room to practice his best work when you let your guard down. I'm simply saying guard your heart and guard your marriage.

Links to supporting scriptures: 1 Corinthians 10:13, 1 Thessalonians 5:22, Hebrews 13:4

3) Communicate openly and honestly about everything. No one reads minds, regardless of what the world says! It is so important to share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns about all issues within your marriage. And be honest! How can one begin to work on changing their weaknesses when the relationship is built on lies? Sharing fosters a level of growth and trust that may have otherwise been stifled if left untapped. I'm sure you have heard the old cliché, "Communication is key..." Well, it certainly is one of the keys to a fruitful and meaningful marriage. Try this. Start off by setting aside at least 15 minutes a day (whenever is convenient for the both of you) of uninterrupted, quality time together just to talk and reconnect with one another. If you're consistent with this simple task, you'll soon be amazed at how 15 minutes turns into 30 minutes and so on, and so on.

Links to supporting scriptures: 1 Peter 4:11; Matthew 12:36-37

4) Esteem one another higher than yourselves. This is all about the "S" word... Sacrifice. Make one another a priority. This means, next to God, your spouse should come first. How is this done? Through your actions and words, show your spouse how much you value and respect him/her. Practical examples would be opening car doors, preparing your spouse's plate of food, complimenting your spouse in front of others, watching "chick-flicks" with your spouse, going fishing with your spouse, watching "the game" with your spouse, etc... Remember, it's not all about you! When you begin to esteem one another higher than yourselves, both of your needs will get met. This helps to create a harmonious, long-lasting marriage.

Links to supporting scriptures: Romans 12:10b, Ephesians 5:22-33

5) Keep it hot! Keep it fresh! I'm laughing to myself right now because I know you're probably wondering, "What?!" Well, there's an old saying amongst my friends that reads, "What you did to get her, you need to keep on doing to keep her!" This also applies to him as well... ladies you're not off the hook! Now, there is a lot of truth in that. We married folks tend to slip into a season where the bouquets of flowers are far few and in between, we don't hold hands as often as we used to, passionate kisses turn into quickie pecks on the cheeks or lips, sexual intimacy is sporadic, compliments are rare, and dates... what are those? We need to keep the fire in our marriages burning. Don't stop doing those extra special things for your spouse that you once did. Furthermore, be creative, get wild and crazy. Incorporate some new things in your marriage that will not only keep things fresh and exciting, but will contribute to making sure that he/she still only has eyes for you!

Links to supporting scriptures: Proverbs 5:18, The Song of Solomon (also known as The Song of Songs) - I suggest you read this in its entirety. There's some really good stuff in here ya'll!

Affairs begin in the mind... with a thought... thoughts lead to actions... and actions can lead to sin. I'm sure there are several other ideas on affair-proofing a marriage; however, I strongly believe that these five things are fundamental for the task at hand. Building a marriage is a lot like building a home; without laying the proper foundation, a home will not withstand the storms that will eventually come. Likewise, a marriage must be built on a firm foundation or it, too, will crumble... one brick, one stick at a time. See the parable of The Wise and Foolish Builders - Matthew 7:24-27.

My prayer for you is that your marriage will become all that Christ desires for it to be. You don't have to be amongst the divorce statistics, or living in hopelessness and misery with your spouse. Make the choice today to reconnect and recommit. "The Lord bless you, and keep you; The Lord make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace." Numbers 6:25