5 Ways for Singles to Enjoy Valentine's Day
1. Send a valentine to a platonic friend of the opposite sex. It can be a goofy, juvenile greeting card with candy enclosed or it can be something more meaningful that lets your friend know how much you care about them. It doesn't have to be a friend of the opposite sex. I get a good laugh out of sending my male buddies syrupy cards that are fit for elementary school crushes.
2. This suggestion is a no-brainer. If you drink, gather up a gaggle of your single friends and get sloshed. Sure, you could do that on any day of the week, but commiserating with your peers over a broken heart on Valentine's Day can be cathartic.
3. If you're a guy, going to a strip club with your single padres can be rather enjoyable. It may be a sleazy, mindless thing to do, but lap dances have been scientifically proven to be short-term cures for loneliness. Well, maybe "scientifically" isn't the right word. This tip could also apply to women. Go nuts!
4. Maybe you're the charitable type. Why not go to a hospital and hand out valentines in the pediatric ward? I'm not sure what measures you would have to go to prove to security that the valentines aren't coated in harmful chemicals or that the suckers aren't poisonous, but it's an idea. You could also try an orphanage or a group home. Consider this your atoning good deed after going to a strip club the night before.
5. Movies are the ultimate outlet for escapism. Watching the 1981 horror flick My Bloody Valentine would take your mind off of the fact that you're rancorously single. On the whole, fright films always cheer me up. Seeing happy, pretty teenagers being hacked to pieces is not unlike popping bubble wrap or squeezing stress toys.
6. Walk up to a doting couple and shout, "F*ck you!"
Published by Dom Coccaro
I'm a freelance writer specializing in reviewing cult oddities, analyzing geeky subjects, and tossing my worthless opinion into the machine. View profile
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13 Comments
Post a Commentthis sucks
P.S. This is to STEVE who wrote the article before me..."Get a life and ...(etc)"...Ever heard of the phrase 'The oldest one in the book'?(!) The whip crack helps less than you'd think. It's people like You that make people like us. Yes I know life is what we make it. ...Ever thought that we're also what life makes of us?
I have a vision, (inspired by your article and from listening to "Love Stinks" by the J. Geils Band and "Here I Go Again (On My Own)" by Whitesnake, several squillion times)...A MACHINE GUN: for to aim at ALL HAPPY COUPLES right now, and of course fire, with the most gigantic, sweetest, happiest grin on my face. Seriously, I COULD ACTUALLY DO IT! The one and only V-day card I ever had in my life was sent as a JOKE from past university housemates that hated me anyway. Lovely. Thanks. Get drunk, Singletons. I know I am. I can't recommend anything else.
Dom -: Reading this article, it's no surprise to me that you are single. Get a life and you will find getting a girlfriend becomes a lot easier.
Dom, that was hilarious!!! Especially number #6! I hate most holidays. Even my beloved Halloween is starting to depress me. The only holiday I do like is Easter. Why? Because I love ham and butter cream filled chocolate eggs (not together though).
I agree - Valentines day sucks. Remember when we were forced in school to make valentines for everyone and put it in their silly paper bags? One time I did recieve a sweet poem admitting someone was in love with me. If only men today were as sweet and romantic as that fourth-grader was then. I'm sure he grew up to be a bastard like the rest, how depressing :(
I`ve always hated Valentine`s Day. It really sucks if you`re single, but it STILL sucks if you`re with somebody because you feel pressured to get some stupid gift or something.....knowing FULL WELL that she/he probably won`t really like whatever you get them anyway....so...yeah Valentine`s Day totally sucks for pretty much everyone. Another stupid Hallmark-invented holiday.
One minute your cool and caring, the next minute your agressive. Wow...I like #5 though.
Early February? I saw Valentine's stuff in the stores right after Christmas! I agree with Amy about #6 :)
Dear Dom, I choo, choo, choose you to be my Valentine. Uh..yeah...that doesn't work with out the cartoon train. Oh, well.