5 Years at War: An Army Wife Remembers

Returning back to our hotel room after a long day at the beach on Spring Break, this was the caption my friends and I saw scrolling across the screen. Suddenly, our carefree attitudes quickly left. It was already a scary time in America following the 9/11 attacks, and we had all known something was possibly coming, but we had hoped it wouldn't when we were in a foreign country. We panicked about how the borders might be closed and we wouldn't be able to get home but those fears were quickly resolved with a few phone calls. Once we were safe on U.S. soil, I remember thinking that this war would probably only last a few weeks like the first one and would never directly impact me. Wow, was I wrong

My husband now -- boyfriend at the time -- is in the Iowa National Guard. He had served for 6 months in Kuwait in 2000, but never saw any real action. I still remember the first time he told me he was leaving to go to Iraq. I was panicked. All I knew was the stories that I had heard on the news and the grim images of building destroyed and death tolls mounting. Luckily the area he was going was relatively safe (but really how safe is relatively safe in Iraq?) and called me almost nightly to tell me he was OK and not to worry. I felt reassured and when he came home 9 months later, I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief and finally get a good night of sleep. No one in his unit had been hurt and I said my prayers for all that were still over there.

In 2005, on Valentine's Day, he told me that he was volunteering to go back overseas. I was furious. I thought he had already served his duty and couldn't believe that he would volunteer to go back again. Our relationship was much more serious this time and I was about done with college. I couldn't change his mind. He was scheduled to mobilize in July so we headed to my parents house for a week in June. It was then that we got a call that one of his best friends had been killed in action. It was happening again and this time I was more scared. He tried to reassure me that everything would be alright but I just had this feeling that it wasn't. I saw him in October for 5 days and cried my eyes out when I took him to the airport.

Nine days later on November 3rd, he emailed me to tell me that his humvee had been hit by an IED, but everyone was OK. More panic. I wasn't sleeping at all during the night and during the day my cell phone was attached to my hand. He was in a nasty area just north of Baghdad and driving into Baghdad every other day. He seldom got the chance to call and regardless of what he told me, I couldn't stop looking at the news.

On April 6th, a phone tree was spread letting families of the soldiers in the unit know that someone had been killed. After a day of panicking, my husband called. I was so relieved to hear his voice that it took me 10 minutes of the conversation to realize that he had lost his gunner. His gunner's fiancé had just told him two days before that he had a baby on the way. He would never meet his son.

On June 30th, he was on his last mission before his two week leave. The humvee behind him got attacked. His nephew was in that vehicle and was badly injured. He was the one who pulled him out of the burning humvee and tried to stop the blood. Luckily his nephew was ok after a few weeks in the hospital.

When he finally returned home in October '06, the war's impact had taken a toll on both of our emotions. He had hardened emotionally and drank frequently to forget all the terrible things he saw. I was exhausted from worrying for over a year straight and wanted back the man that had left. We fought continuously and finally he decided he needed to get help for Post Traumatic Stress. In March I found out I was pregnant and our lives changed again completely. Now we have a beautiful daughter and nothing makes me happier than seeing them together and the way he looks at her. But ... everyday I wait for him to come home and tell me that his unit and country needs him again.

My story is like one of thousands. Relationships have put to the test in this time of crisis and many don't succeed. Wives get lonely and cheat; men become withdrawn and come home and abuse their families or just don't speak at all. Even the best relationship is sure to hit a few rocky points in the transition back home. I feel lucky to have a great man who is so willing to fight for not only his freedom but mine and my daughter's. Never once has he questioned why he does what he does (even when I was upset about it). The sad reality is that this war will likely continue in some way and shape for years to come. Even when all the troops are withdrawn, there will still be families broken here because they lost a husband, a father, a son, or a brother (or a wife, a mother, a daughter, or a sister). I'm proud to live in this country and even though the war may not have gone in the direction we wanted it to, I still feel one saying sums it up best: Support the Troops or Stand in front of them. These brave people have given up a lot for the rest of us and I for one am grateful for all they have done.

God Bless America