5-Hour Energy Drink: Product Review

Ten hours into what turned out to be an almost 14-hour road trip, I was feeling a bit sleepy sitting behind the wheel all by myself. Earlier on the radio, I had heard an ad for the 5-Hour Energy drink, which promised instant energy with no jitters. Better yet, the advertisement claimed there is no crash later. So, I decided to put 5-Hour Energy drink to the test.

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 6:00 p.m.

I'm sitting in my car, carefully reading the instructions on the bottle of 5-Hour Energy drink I just purchased. Okay, it says to drink half the bottle for a little energy and the whole bottle for maximum results. I have 300 miles yet to drive and it's getting dark. I need the maximum results.

Cautiously I open the bottle of 5-Hour Energy drink and hold it under my nose. There's no smell. The bottle says it's lemon-lime flavored, so it should taste kind of like the Diet Mountain Dew I'm constantly guzzling, right? Wrong! Ugh, 5-Hour Energy drink tastes awful! I wasn't even sure if I was going to keep it down. This stuff better work.

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 6:04 p.m.

Already, four minutes after drinking the 5-Hour Energy drink, I can feel my heart beat faster, and my eyes are wide open. Slowly I inch my car out of its parking spot and head toward the road, and OH MY GOD, where did that semi-truck come from? Suddenly my brakes are hyper-sensitive (either that or my foot is really heavy) and I can't focus on anything.

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 6:30 p.m.

Somehow I managed to get back on the interstate without any more mishaps. Wow, this 5-Hour Energy drink really works. I'm wide awake. It feels like I just started my trip, instead of being ten hours into it. I am so going to have to write a product review about this amazing 5-Hour Energy drink tomorrow!

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 7:00 p.m.

While I am really enjoying my alertness while on the interstate, I'm beginning to notice there are some side effects to the 5-Hour Energy drink. I have severe dry mouth, my hands are beginning to tremble, and (this is so embarrassing) I'm getting a bit, uhmm, randy.

The last symptom I can rationalize that the 5-Hour Energy drink has increased my heart rate, which in turn is pumping more blood more quickly throughout my body. Yeah, that's got to be it. It can't be that I've been alone in the car for hours upon hours daydreaming... yeah, that's it, daydreaming.

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 7:15 p.m.

My hands are shaking so badly that I've got to pull off the interstate and get something to eat. Maybe that will calm me down. I pull to a favorite truck stop diner and order my favorite dish: chicken alfredo. But the 5-Hour Energy drink has somehow affected my appetite. I can only manage to eat a third of the pasta before calling it quits. That is so unlike me. I'm starting to worry about this stuff I took.

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 8:00 p.m.

I'm back on the road again without any problems. I have yawned exactly twice since taking the 5-Hour Energy drink, but I think those were just habitual yawns. I'm really not tired at all.

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 9:30 p.m.

Holy crap, I'm home already? That's really startling, since I don't recall most of the last hour and a half on the road. Oh well, at least the car is intact. Thank you, 5-Hour Energy drink, for getting me home safe and sound!

5-Hour Energy Drink Test: 1:15 a.m.

Didn't that bottle say five hours? After five hours, one would expect that the 5-Hour Energy drink would gradually wear off, since it promised there would be no "crash". Uhmm, no. Seven hours later and I'm 669 words into the product review I said I would write tomorrow... maybe I should clean my house!