6 Reasons the Chronically Ill Should Shun Making Resolutions

- I'm going to exercise more
- I'm going to lose some weight
- I will try to get rid of my bad habits
- I won't let little things get to me any more
- I'm going to start making wiser choices about money

We've all been there. And we've all faced March 23rd rolling around and feeling like a failure because some of those goals haven't crossed our mind since December 31st.

For most people, going through the steps of setting goals is an expectation of themselves. For those of us who live with chronic illness or chronic pain, however, it can be frustrating and intimidating. illness symptoms change constantly, hence our life, feels like it is out of our complete control most of the time, following through on the little things, like jumping on a treadmill, seem impossible before we've even began.

The list of why we may "fail" at our resolutions even seems justified.

--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then I have surgery and my illness is exasperated. Even my doctor said to take it easy and not overdo right now.

--> I'm going to lose some weight . . . But a simple trip over a curb turns into a broken bone and then the doctor puts you on steroids. Soon you just want to maintain your weight and not gain even more.

--> I'm going to stop spending so much money . . . And then one emergency room visit sets you back two-thousand dollars

So how do we move forward when everything seems stacked against us?

First, if you didn't set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year's goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You're likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December's calendar full of doctor's appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you've managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you're in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.

Secondly, make a few simple changes and don't label "resolutions." When you make your visit to Starbucks ask for the "sugar-free vanilla, breve, misto." (That's coffee with steamed half-and-half, with a touch of vanilla. It has fewer carbs, no sugar.) Rather than splurging on the "muffin" covered in chocolate chips have the sugar-free banana walnut cake (Trust me on this. . .heavenly!) Talk to a dietician about what habits you could start that would make a difference in the long run.

Thirdly, write down what kinds of things you value. Instead of vowing, "I'm going to spend less money," think about what you really treasure. For example, would you like to go on a missions trip, using your own experience to help others with disabilities? (If so, call Joni and Friends International Disability Center; they often have people with illness go on these trips too.) Rather than listing "get some chronic pain management skills" as a goal, ask around for chronic pain management support groups, counselors, life coaches that specialize in chronic pain, and local hospitals that offer free workshops. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars on spa treatments to get some chronic pain treatment. Stick your list on your refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror to be a daily reminder of what you are specifically saving money for.

Fourthly, team up with a friend who is also ill, to encourage one another in your practical goals. Stress and illness is not a good combination and any change in our life (good or bad) dramatically intensifies the strain. It's not helpful to have a healthy friend say, "Well, maybe if you cut back on your calories more it would help. I noticed you had two bowls of soup at lunch today." (Did she even notice that you completely resisted the temptation of the basket of bread? And it had free refills!) Symptoms of illness are very unpredictable and a friend who understands what you are experiencing is an amazing gift. You will be able to keep a better perspective on your goals when a true friend says, "It's so depressing when you lose the weight and then the medications make you blow back up overnight. But hang in there. It won't last forever."

Fifth, give yourself a break. Depression and chronic pain go together way too often. When you make a decision that is less than ideal, don't sweat it! Don't think of it as a failure, but rather just a less than perfect choice you made for that moment. You will have another sixty-something times in the next month to make the correct decision. Start out by just aiming for making the correct one more than half the time. Skipping that shopping spree or avoiding the drive-thru burger place is a step in the right direction.

Lastly, assign yourself a goal that is fun! We forget that not everything in our lives needs fixed. Sometimes we just need more joy. Mark your calendar for lunch with a friend every two weeks as a new habit. Surround yourself with people who are inspirational and who overcome the odds in their lives with enthusiasm. And don't forget to reward yourself too. If you clean out your closet, working towards an ambition to get more organized, go buy a new chic hat that isn't typically you.

If you have supportive friends and down-to-earth expectations, by the end of the year you will find that you are one of the few people who actually met some of those "resolutions." And everyone has some of their goals that are left for next year's calendar! So celebrate the fact that you have found some joy along the journey of reaching towards some new habits, despite living with illness.