6 Tips For Forming and Maintaining Healthy Friendships with Other Couples

Forming and maintaining healthy friendships with other couples is not always easy. While friendships between couples form each and every day, the stability of these friendships can sometimes be challenged as complex issues arise. However, having one or more couples that you are both friends with can in many ways enhance your relationship and your overall quality of life. The following tips can help you determine how best to form such relationships and keep them alive over the years.

Tip #1: Allow friendships to develop naturally

Nate and his coworker Teddy instantly hit it off at the office. They recently learned that they have similar personal and professional interests. Upon finding out during a casual conversation that Teddy too is married, Nate suggests that both couples meet for dinner one evening after work. He is hopeful that his wife and Teddy's wife will get along so that the four of them can become friends and spend quality time together. Sounds perfectly fine, right?

In situations such as this one, it is best to check with your significant other first and gauge their comfort level with meeting this other couple and spending time together. Don't assume that because your spouse and the other spouse happen to share the same gender, they will automatically connect. These things often take time, and your other half may have some basic questions about the couple or have preferences for when and where the four of you will meet.

There are also instances where people form friendships with those of the opposite sex and want their significant others to meet. In such situations, communication is critical. You will want to make certain that your spouse feels comfortable with the friendship first and foremost before you try to make it a foursome. Acquiring friends of the opposite sex after getting married (or forming any serious relationship, for that matter) can sometimes be more complicated than having those friends already in place at the start of the relationship. The rule of thumb here is: If it doesn't fit, don't force it! Never try to force your mate to bond with someone he or she doesn't want to bond with, no matter how much you would like to see it happen. All parties involved must be interested in meeting and getting to know one another in order for this to work.

Tip #2: Avoid unhealthy comparisons

Don and Lisa have gone out several times with Mike and Melanie. Lisa has noticed that Mike is much more romantic toward Melanie than her own husband Don is toward her. He holds her hand when they're out in public and kisses her at random moments.They always seem to be so happy and in love when the couples come together. Over time Lisa begin to wonder, "Why isn't our relationship like that?"

Once couples start making these kinds of comparisons, they are entering dangerous territory. Every relationship has strengths and areas in need of improvement and no two relationships are identical. Just because Mike and Melanie appear to be in Happy Land whenever they are around Don and Lisa doesn't mean that they don't have any problems or issues within their relationship. In fact, their "issues" could be ones that Don and Lisa would never in a million years want to have to deal with. Avoid making comparisons as much as possible. And never, under any circumstances tell your significant other that you would like for them to be more like your friend's mate.

Comparisons can also take place when children are involved. One couple may talk incessantly about their children's accomplishments while the other thinks about the fact that one of their kids can never seem to stay out of trouble. Never compare your children to anyone else's. They are special and unique - even when they misbehave or do not seem to be living up to their potential.

Tip #3: Give each other space

It is imperative that couples who share friendships with other couples give each other space. Even if you live next door to one another, you should not be together 24/7. If you're all getting along well, the temptation may be strong to constantly call or visit each other, but everyone needs a break every now and then.

Discuss and respect boundaries. One couple may have an "open door" mentality when it comes to entertaining visitors in their home while the other may prefer a phone call first. Even within couples, individuals may have their own preferences. It is best to understand that people are different, and to acknowledge and respect these differences for the sake of your friendship and your relationship with your other half.

Tip #4: Don't create unnecessary drama

Mark and Stacy are getting along just lovely with John and Nicole, having many fun outings together and enjoying dinner in each other's homes. John discovers that he and Stacy share the same love for writing and begin to talk regularly on the telephone and in person about their professional aspirations and experiences. He finds it refreshing that Stacy listens enthusiastically when he discusses the ups and downs of his writing career, unlike his wife, who quickly grows bored whenever he tries to discuss such things with her.

John starts calling Stacy on her cell phone and sending her e-mails at work, thrilled to finally have a writer friend to share his thoughts and ideas with. But when Nicole begins to notice that John and Stacy are forming a close bond based on their mutual interests, she expresses her discomfort to her husband. John quickly accuses her of overreacting and tells her that she should feel more secure in their relationship than she obviously does.

Situations such as this one should be handled delicately. While Nicole could learn to be more supportive of her husband's career interests and become a better listener, John must be willing to reassess his interactions with Stacy and the impact that they are having on his relationship. Ultimately, he will have to make some changes in his approach to communicating with Stacy or risk developing major problems in his marriage. This budding friendship should never take precedent over the love relationship - no matter how great or wonderful it feels at the time.

Tip #5: Don't get in the middle of each other's relationship problems

Nick and Nancy just had a terrible fight. Nancy storms out of the house and heads directly to the home their good friends Eddie and Maya, crying hysterically. Maya feels sorry for Nancy and wants to "fix" things by helping her work through her problems with her husband. She asks Eddie to go over and talk to Nick while she talks to Nancy. This may sound like a wonderful solution, but it is actually quite risky. While it may be okay for Maya to comfort Nancy and let her stay for short while until the couple cools off, Maya would do well to encourage Nancy to return to her home and work out her problems with Nick unless there are allegations or obvious signs of physical abuse. Even in the latter case, it would be best not to try to intervene directly, as situations such as this call for professional help. Also, Maya should avoid at all costs giving her opinion about what this couple should do or taking sides. It is neither Maya nor Eddie's responsibility to fix their friends' problems, and any attempts to do so could potentially destroy their friendship.

If you learn that there is abuse taking place in the other couple's relationship, then you may have the painful task of suggesting that you all take a break from hanging out for a while so that the couple (or the person alleging abuse) can seek help from a qualified professional. Don't feel as though you are turning your back on the couple, because the truth is that there is nothing you all can do to repair this relationship or prevent the abuse from occurring. Let them know you care about them and want to see them work things out, but stay out of their relationship problems.

Tip #6: Don't neglect your own relationship

If you and your significant other agreed on a weekly date night, don't assume that spending time with another couple will qualify each and every time. No matter how much fun you may be having with another couple, you will need to spend plenty of one-on-one time engaging in special and meaningful activities with your mate. Your relationship should always come before your friendship with this couple.

Also, there may be times when one of you doesn't feel like spending time with the other couple but the other one does. When this happens, both individuals will need to talk about it decide what's truly important. A little compromise can certainly help; perhaps you don't feel like going out tonight, but you agree to do so under the condition that next weekend you take a break from your friends and spend some quiet time at home with your family.

Remember, a friendship with another couple can be a wonderful blessing, but it should never become more important than your relationship with your significant other if you truly value that relationship and want it to last.