68 Questions on How to Tell If Your Marriage or Relationship is a True Partnership

Ah, getting married - that blissfully happy period at the beginning of married life when partners look forward to a future filled with what can only be described as - fantasy. Shortly after the honeymoon, and sometimes in the midst of it, couples discover all sorts of interesting tidbits of information, not the least of which is who is expected to do what.

And like any married couple, they discover the amazing (and sometimes warping) effects of perception. If they didn't discuss before they got married who would go shopping and who would wash the dishes, they might be surprised to learn after they are married that one spouse is expected to do all of the household chores.

Even more amazing, some spouses think they are helping out when in reality, they are merely delusional. For instance, one man told his wife he absolutely washed the dishes, because one time he actually did.

And what about those people who work outside the home and return home to work another full time job inside the house while their spouse reclines on the couch chugging down a few beers? Do they even have to wonder if their marriage is a true partnership?

Chances are, if you are taking the following quiz you already know who contributes more to the household chores, but take it anyway, so that you can show your spouse the results. This quiz provides an accurate account of your workload and invites discussion, cooperation, and resolution with your partner.

Some chores are broken down into components for husbands like the one who asked his wife why doing laundry was such a chore when "All you have to do is push a button," to which this mother of four responded, "I want that machine - you know, the one that separates the laundry into colors and whites, puts the correct amount of detergent in the washer, allows the clean clothes to transfer from the washer into the dryer - on its own, throws in a fabric softener sheet, then folds or hangs and places itself into 18 different drawers and six different closets - all with the push of one button."

Poor man. He couldn't comprehend the amount of time each task required, because all he ever saw his mother do was push a button - task done!

So if you are ready to find out who performs the most household chores, here are the questions (by the way, if you cleaned a toilet only once or twice it doesn't count). Respond ONLY to questions that apply to you and your spouse or child(ren). Record H for husband, W for wife, C for child (if more than one, record as C1, C2, C3, etc.), N for nobody, and D for does not apply. This quiz will also help children who think their parents work them to death - they can see in black and white who actually does the most work:

General Household Tasks

1. Who takes out the garbage?

2. Who separates the laundry?

3. Who puts the laundry into the washer?

4. Who puts the laundry into the dryer?

5. Who hangs up the clothes?

6. Who folds the clothes?

7. Who puts the clothes away?

8. Who dusts?

9. Who vacuums?

10. Who washes the floors?

11. Who cleans the toilets?

12. Who cleans the counters?

13. Who cleans the sink(s)?

14. Who cleans the tub(s)?

15. Who cleans out the refrigerator?

16. Who cleans the stove?

17. Who polishes the furniture?

18. Who does the gift shopping?

19. Who does the grocery shopping?

20. Who puts the groceries away?

21. Who prepares indoor meals for the family?

22. Who barbecues meals?

23. Who washes the dishes?

24. Who puts the dishes away?

25. Who picks up the dry cleaning?

26. Who straightens up every day messes?

27. Who pays the bills?

28. Who picks up prescriptions at the pharmacy?

29. Who handles phone calls to bill collectors, etc.?

30. Who works full time outside the home?

31. Who fills the car with gas?

32. Who takes the car in for repairs?

Families With Children

33. Who does the clothes shopping for the kids?

34. Who does the shoe shopping for the kids?

35. Who gets the kids up in the morning?

36. Who makes sure the kids' teeth are brushed?

37. Who combs and brushes the kids' hair?

38. Who dresses the kids?

39. Who cuts the food for small children?

40. Who cleans up kids' meal messes three times a day?

41. Who gets the kids to softball (football, etc.) practice?

42. Who stays and watches the games?

43. Who takes the kids to the doctor?

44. Who bathes the children?

45. Who cuddles with the kids?

46. Who changes the baby's diapers?

47. Who puts the kids to bed at night?

48. Who spends quality one-on-one time with each child?

49. Who drives or walks the kids to daycare?

50. Who disciplines the children?

51. Who takes the kids to the dentist or doctor?

52. Who takes the kids to the hairdresser or barber?

53. Who attends kids' school open houses?

54. Who goes to parent-teacher interviews?

Spouses With Houses

55. Who mows the lawn?

56. Who rakes the leaves?

57. Who cleans the gutters?

58. Who shovels the snow?

59. Who takes care of landscaping/gardening?

60. Who cleans out the garage?

61. Who paints the walls?

62. Who cleans the windows outside?

Families With Animals

63. Who cleans out the kitty litter box?

64. Who walks the dog?

65. Who bathes the dog?

66. Who feeds the animals?

67. Who cleans out the cages of smaller animals or birds?

68. Who takes the animals to the vet?

Figuring the results for this quiz is fairly simple. Count the questions that applied to all of you (husband, wife, child). Tally up the marks for H and for W (and C if necessary). Compare your number of initialed answers to your spouse's number of initialed answers.

To find out the percentage of how many more tasks you complete than does your spouse, divide the numbers like this: say only 40 total questions applied to you and your spouse. You answered 30 with your initial and your spouse answered 10 with a spouse initial. 30 (the number of your initials) divided by 40 (the number of questions that applied to both of you) equals 75%. 10 divided by 40 equals 25%. These results are clearly not equal. If your quiz results are similar (or worse), why not sit down with your partner and discuss equality in relationships.

An interesting benefit to taking this quiz is discovering your spouse's perceptions. Maybe this quiz will open the door to discussion and to a more equal partnership. One more thing: if you discover your children are carrying the burden of performing household tasks, consider either rewarding them or helping them if you are not already doing so.