7 Most Common Bedtime Mistakes Parents Make

Bedtime battles can be a parent's nightmare full of flaring tempers and rebellious attitudes. Most parents do their best to combat this bedtime behavior, but did you know that there are several mistakes that most parents don't know about that could actually contribute to the problem? Could you be committing some of these same mistakes? Could you improve the chances of an easier transition to that nighttime bliss? With the possibility of extra sleep and bedtime peace hanging in the balance, you can't afford to take the chance. I've compiled a list of seven most common mistakes parents make concerning their children's bedtime routines. Read on to find out if you are jeopardizing this important aspect of your child's development.

Mistake #1: Fighting Back Instead of Winning
Unfortunately, when the child's bedtime arrives, you are also tired from a long day. If a child resists, you might be tempted to argue back at them, however, this is a classic mistake. If a child can pull you into an argument, he or she has the opportunity to win. Despite widespread use, the cliché "because I said so" does not win fights, it incites a righteous indignation. Being the adult, the discussion is not an argument unless you allow it to become one. Instead of arguing, shake things up. Instead of reacting with a harsh voice, use a gentle one. This will calm any hostility in the child. Also, make sure your voice is softer than normal. Children often mimic soft voices, so soon they will be whispering too. When your child expresses sentiments of how "unfair" the situation is, etc., agree with them and then explain a little more. Try something like, "Yes, it is unfair that you have to go to bed and miss what happens in the world for the next several hours. But in order for you to grow up tall, strong and smart, you need your rest." By being sympathetic instead of combative, you will diffuse their hostility and have an opportunity to discuss the importance of sleep and your reasons for enforcing a bedtime. Remember, a child who understands the why is more apt to comply.

Mistake #2: Being Inconsistent
Parents who fluctuate the bedtime, even slightly, may be encouraging bedtime battles. Once a child realizes that the bedtime is negotiable depending on circumstances, he or she might become more combative. Also, if there is a difference in what one parent will allow versus another parent, the child may be more likely to resist being put to bed by the "stricter" parent. This unhealthy distribution of parental responsibility and discipline is unhealthy and can lead to uneven attachments and general discord among the family unit. Also, allowing your emotions to dictate what you expect from the child as far as how clean they have to be or how quickly they have to respond to your requests can be very frustrating to the child and, in turn, to yourself as well. The best way to avoid this is to sit down with any and all caretakers and make a plan for bedtime procedures. Discuss a plan of how to handle problem behaviors and get everyone on the same page. Taking the extra time to present a united front to the child will introduce a new level of stability to the child's life that could really help to reduce negative bedtime behaviors.

Mistake #3: Repeating Mistakes
Parents who consistently fight bedtime battles with their children fail to grasp the most basic concept of child-rearing: individuality. No child is alike and no one method works for all. So, if a parenting method is not working on your child, you need to make adjustments. This mistake is more common than you would think. Many parents rely on methods that they feel require the least amount of energy to fit their needs These methods might be ones that your mother used on you, or something you read in a parenting book while you were pregnant. But do not fall into that trap. Any parenting method that appears to be an easy fix but does not work on your child is not a fix, just another method that does not work. Obviously, it may take commitment and some time to experiment, but a different method better suited to the individuality of your child may prove to be most efficient and effective in the long run.

Mistake #4: Unrealistic Expectations
Developing brains and bodies of children do not work as quickly as adults. Expecting a child to be adequately cleaned, dressed, and ready for bed in ten minutes is next to impossible. Also, given the preschooler's curious nature, it may take longer simply because they are still exploring the world. The things you take for granted everyday are still new to them, like the feel of the washcloth on their skin, or how the soap "plops" into the tub water. A fly that you would probably swat away might intrigue them. Although this is not the most opportune time to indulge your child's curiosity, this natural interest is not a negative behavior and should not be punished. In order to accommodate your child's natural motivation and attention span, plan approximately how long it would take you to accomplish all the tasks in your child's bedtime routine and then multiply by two. This amount of time might be more or less than your child will require, but it is a good starting place. Make adjustments as your child needs grow and change and you will find that your frustration towards your child will lessen.

Mistake #5: Failing to Understand the Proper Amount of Sleep Required by the Child
Parents of every age child ranging from infancy to teens struggle with this question. The best answer is variable, depending on the amount of energy your child expends during the day and their own body's biorhythms and perhaps some other relative factors. However, there are some general guidelines. Check out what the National Sleep Foundation says about the appropriate amount of sleep for your child. Ensuring that your child gets enough sleep will make your job of parenting much easier.

Mistake #6: Allowing Your Child to Sleep with You
While protective instincts often prompt us to keep our young near, it can be a fundamental error to allow your child to sleep in the bed with you. First of all, it is in the child's best interest for the parents to have time to reconnect at the end of a long day. Also, since children need more sleep than adults, it is impractical for children to sleep with parents. Finally, if your child is allowed to sleep with you, they might not learn how to sleep alone, which could create problems later in life either at school during nap time or in college. At some point, the child will have to learn to sleep alone and while they are still young is the best time to do it. However, there may be some exceptions. What about taking naps together occasionally? This activity can often grow a bond between you and help the child to feel comfortable around you. And what about when there is a big thunderstorm outside? If the child feels scared, it might be okay to allow them to climb into bed and help coach them through their fears. This can be a fine example of how to model appropriate reactions during a scary situation. But overall, this should never become the norm.

Mistake #7: Failing to Offer the Child Choices
One of the best, underused tool a parent has is the power to offer choices. Why is that? Because as an adult you can use the power of choice to disarm your child of rebellion. However, this tool only works if you know how to use it. First of all, limit the options to only two, or three at the most. Offer choices that assume they will be engaging in your expected behavior. For example, if it is time for a bath, instead of asking "are you ready to take a bath?" which allows them the opportunity to say no, ask instead "would you like bubbles in your bath?" This second question assumes that they are in fact taking a bath. There is no question as to if they will be willing to, they simply are. If your child still begins to rebel, use this same approach. Calmly explain that they have two choices, they can take a bath calmly and you will read them a book when they are done, or they can refuse to take a bath and "suffer the consequences". The vagueness of "suffering consequences" is often enough to scare any child into choosing the bath. In this way, you are also teaching your child that they do have the option to disobey and that life does not just happen to them. Sometimes just knowing we have the option to choose wrong, and seeing the it next to the better option is enough to let us choose the right option almost every time.

While no child is going to comply all the time, there is no reason to allow simple common mistakes to compromise the possibility of a more peaceful bedtime experience. I hope this guide will bring peace and a spirit of cooperation to your bedtime routines.