7 Personal Life Changing Moments of 2009

2009 brought many unique events and opportunities. Tragedy and grief shrouded certain days, yet the sun managed to shine in my heart despite the rain and floods in Georgia.

It has been a year of insight and epiphany mixed with soul searching, prayer, and change.

Do not infer that change is always bad, nor insight always good. Numerous changes have brought joy to my heart and thanksgiving to my lips. Other changes have happened after years of prayer and searching. Circumstances have enlightened me, strengthened my faith, and broken my heart.

The most important thing about 2009 is that it did not allow me to become stagnate. I was moved, watered, fertilized, and grew just a little.

I realized both my babies were suddenly young men. I thought back on the times I held them in my arms, rocked them, and sang to them. I'll blame the singing for any quirks in their behavior. I'm impressed by who they have become, how they handle themselves and make decisions. They are compassionate young men of faith, and that is important to me.

In realizing they are both young men, I suddenly realized that my co-dependents were learning to live without their mother hen hovering over them. That's a good thing, but it is a hard thing for a parent to realize that these two young men into whom you have poured your heart with unconditional love, your wisdom such as it is, your guidance whether they listened or not, a few band aids and stitches, and a lot of money whether it bounced the checking account or not; these two young men are becoming independent.

Oh, sure, they'll always need mom. My husband and I are happily married and begin to see a parent-cation in the not so distant future. But things are different. No one constantly needs me and therein lies the biggest change.

Parenting was my co-dependence, as much as being a child was theirs. I was forced, and allowed, to look at my own life, evaluate myself, my place in life, and my purpose. I have had some revelation in those moments of self evaluation. I have made changes for the better and pursued interests that I was previously too busy to pursue. Life is good. Giving up day-to-day parenting is difficult. Thankfully, it has not come upon me all at once, as I continue to wean one away.

My oldest son got engaged. Tell me now, do I sigh or cry? I've done a little of both. He has a wonderful future ahead of him with a beautiful, dear young lady who loves him. He loves her. I can see it in his eyes. Their love and joy in each other makes me happy. My son's responsibilities as a husband scare me. Is he prepared? Did we teach him everything he needs to know?

It's too late now. At his age he thinks he knows everything he needs to know and then some. When I try to tell him something now I get an instinctive feeling that he feels as if I'm shouting it down from the dinosaur I've been riding since back in the day. He nods and smiles, but can't wait for me to pull the reigns of my dinosaur the other way and harp on his brother for a while.

I know he has a wonderful life ahead. I can see that he will be a loving and protective husband. I see a lot of his father in him.

We almost lost our house in foreclosure. Are you surprised I would say that in public? Why not, it ran in the local newspaper and we are one among hundreds of thousands. But then God...I've always loved to read those words in the Bible or hear them spoken in a testimony...but then God set up the winning play. He laid it out long before I knew it. Six days before the house was to be auctioned God swooped down for a touchdown. No money fell from the sky; we still had to move; but there is no foreclosure on our credit. No, those late payments and a short sale settlement don't look good on Equifax, but they look a whole lot better than a foreclosure.

Now, I'll tell you why I had to share. I went through the struggle of playing catch up, robbing Peter to pay Paul, and letting anxiety chase me. Humility caught me, but that's okay. It also taught me.

More important than what I learned about myself is what I was assured about my faith. God didn't get us in a financial crisis. He allows us to be stewards of our money, good or bad. We didn't adjust well during lean times. We kept going as though my husband had not missed a paycheck or two. Regardless of our faults and irresponsibility, God came down when it looked like the clock had run out. Whether things had worked out that way or not, I am assured of a God who loves me and cares about even the smallest intricacies of my life. The great news is he cares the same about you. That's one reason I cannot help but share a humiliating event from my life in 2009. God must be thanked and glorified.

We moved into a great new neighborhood. I guess that is the upside of losing our home. I hated the place. We owned an acre right by the Church my husband pastors and the house, in my opinion needed to be demolished. Every home improvement project, and there were many, ended up costing a thousand dollars or more than it should because we would discover some underlying flaw that required more work and more money. The Money Pit is a pretty accurate description.

Now we are in this lovely new home in a relatively new neighborhood, where a number of our friends already lived. We were fairly isolated before and that was working a number on me. Now we are surrounded by families. The house can be cleaned and feel clean. Sunlight can reach the windows because the yard is not a forest.

New, pleasant surroundings have brightened my disposition and outlook. The other house was too dark for me to even open my eyes much. Now, I'm half way between my four most familiar destinations, only a half mile from where we lived before, and there are people. Who knew your surroundings could have such an impact on one's disposition?

I looked into the coffins of three young men under the age of twenty. None of these men were related and their deaths happened throughout the year. I suppose we attend more funerals than the average family because my husband is a pastor. He led services for three elderly parents of Church members. We grieved with them, listened, and ministered as best you can in those circumstances.

All of the families were grief stricken, but the funerals of those young boys were filled with grief and tragedy. The loss of life at such a young age is so difficult to understand, and yet we trust God's infinite wisdom.

I was struck in two important ways. One, of course, was to hug my boys, remind them how much I love them, and thank God for his merciful protection. I'm not sure if I could handle that kind of tragedy, and yet, I've seen women less learned in Scripture stand rock solid in faith even as their world crumbled. Faith can be bittersweet in this life.

The second thing that has not strayed far from the front of my mind is the brevity of life. It sounds trite written like that, but the impact of the statement fell on me like an avalanche. First at the funeral of an 18 year-old killed by gang members out here in the suburbs where things like that aren't supposed to happen. Then even stronger the realization became when a twenty year-old headed to work on his motorcycle strayed out of his lane head on into a truck. The third death, as unexpected as the first two, occurred in the boy's sleep. The 17 year-old went to bed fine. In the morning, just a couple of days before Christmas he was found dead.

Circumstances like those will rattle you. Empathizing with grieving parents and grandparents can fill your heart with grief until it reaches a breaking point.

As my heart heals and their hearts heal, with God doing the mending, we will all become stronger at the broken parts. It's ironic how God works things out that way.

Though it hurt, he has allowed me to realize life is precious. I must make the most of every day, not in my strength and abilities, but in Him. When I am weak the Spirit is strong in me because of my faith in Jesus.

God has drawn me closer to Him. I am growing in grace, wisdom, and strength. I realize I have not arrived. I will never arrive at my destination while I occupy this earth suit we call skin. I'm looking, like Abraham (Hebrews) whose builder and maker is God. I'm not a citizen of this world, my citizenship is in heaven. My passport was purchased at the cross. That is why I can look lightly at the circumstances going on around me. These are only light and temporary trials compared to the glory that awaits those who believe in Him.

With so many new realizations I found renewed confidence. Through His strength (Philippians 4:13) I have been able to plow through difficulties and triumph in victories.

I even went sky diving. Maybe it sounds crazy, but there was no more fear. Something that, at one time, seemed insurmountable to me became an exercise in faith. I'm not suggesting you have to do the same. You be who you are; do what you do. I didn't have to prove my faith or anything else to anyone...but myself.

I'm living the realities of what I've learned in 2009. I'm still growing and have a long way to go, but I look forward to an exciting year in 2010. There is no telling what God has in store.