7 Politically Incorrect Steps to a Lasting Marriage

Several years ago there was a billboard in Chicago advertising a law firm. It featured photos of a gorgeous girl's body and a muscular guy. It said "Life's Short. Get A Divorce," and it made national waves.

Many surveys have found that the "7 year itch" has become the "5 year itch", and books have even been written about marriages under 5 years being called "Trial Marriages."

I attended a wedding where they said "We promise to love each other as long as possible". You can see where that's headed already!

My husband and I have been married for 24 wonderful years. During all this time, we've learned some valuable lessons that could help more marriages stay together, if people would only consider doing them. We were almost torn apart, but by turning to God's ways, we found a fervent love for each other.

Granted, the divorce rate is as pitifully high in the church as it is outside the church, and a lot of people who don't believe in the Bible have built great marriages by following at least some of these steps without even knowing they are biblical ideals. But following the rest of these could add to the number of great, lasting marriages.

Love God first. This is the first commandment in both the Old and New Testament: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind" (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Mark 12:30 ). This passage in Deuteronomy even says teach this to your children, which is totally non-"PC" today. It doesn't feed the ego. But if we do it, our egos will turn out even healthier.

Matthew 6:33 says "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will follow" - meaning many things we worry about needlessly, when we read a few preceding passages.

Compromise. From the "Me Generation" forward, we've all been taught just to look out for "Number One". Don't be selfish. Who got the last "toys" when you had extra money? The flat screen TV, the new car? Whose dream vacation was last fulfilled? Make sure the other person is getting their fair share.

Sacrifice might go hand-in-hand with compromise. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3).

Share. Don't expect your partner to make you ecstatically happy every day.He/she is only human. Try making them happy once in a while. Look for the joy in life together. And your joy can be a relationship with God ("Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice" Philippians 4:4).

Listen. Beyoncé sings a heart-wrenching song in the movie version of "Dreamgirls" called "Listen". She lets all her frustration out about how her husband hasn't taken her feelings, wants and desires into consideration.

Be willing to listen to each others' feelings honestly and openly. Tell each other things - don't go running to your best friend. Or - try making your spouse your best friend (Mark 10:8 - "And the two shall become one flesh; no longer two, but one"). Today we're taught never to be negative or critical. But it can be done in loving, constructive ways.

Submit to each other. Oh, no! Submission - what an awful word today! We've always been taught to just "take care of Number One". Many people take one Bible verse, Ephesians 5:22 - "Wives, submit to your husbands" - and make it sound horrible. But from 5:21-33, there is actually more about the husband serving his wife:

"Love your wife as yourself", it says. Did you ever know a man who loved himself who beat himself up?

"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her". A man is supposed to love his wife enough to die for her. There's nothing in there that says he has the right to beat her, bully her or keep her "barefoot and pregnant and chained to the kitchen sink".

It goes on to say "nurture and cherish each other". You can't do that when you're obsessed with Number One.

Be honest. One little white lie can turn into another, and another. The truth won't change the more you lie. God didn't say "Thou shalt not lie" (Exodus 20:16) just to slap us on the hand. It's a reality check. Today, there are those who say there is no absolute truth. If we follow a message from the book "The Secret", it seems like we will each always make our own truth. But the absolute truth is, if the sky is blue for you in your car in one lane, chances are the sky is blue for the guy in the lane next to you. We can't "wish" things to be true.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
-The Bible, James 1:5-8 (NIV)