7 Reasons People Shouldn't Hassle Me for Not Having Children Yet
I'm not sure I want kids. When I go to the park and see my neighbors with their kids, I feel just like I did in fourth grade when all the other girls had dolls and I didn't want one. Eventually I asked for one so I wouldn't feel so out of place, only to lose it on a family trip to Lincoln, Nebraska. That wouldn't go over so well with the real thing.
1. I already feel guilty about it. My husband loves kids, and I feel bad about not conceiving our future children. I feel badly that they will remain un-conceived, or
"Un-Children", for all eternity. To point it out to me is to remind me of this, and makes me feel terrible.
2. I'm realistic about the lifestyle change it would create. You know how some people weren't meant to become parents, and then they wind up on tv or become overbearing idiots who ruin their children's lives? I'm not going to do that, which is admirable, so people shouldn't hassle me. And unless they plan on showing up to help out with nighttime feedings, they shouldn't hassle me.
3. I'm realistic that it takes a lot of money to raise a child. Rather than remain oblivious to that and run up credit cards to pay for a lifestyle I can't afford, I am mindful of the fact that it takes a lot of money to raise children. If people don't stop hassling me about it, I am going to conceive my Un-children and hold them financially responsible. You know, because it takes a village to raise a child, and in that village my closest neighbors (figuratively speaking) are the ones who try to guilt me into having a baby.
4. My ecological footprint is smaller. Say what you will about hybrid cars, recycling, and conserving energy. I am helping the environment by not creating another being who will take her (my un-conceived children are female)toll on the environment. Also, she won't suffer the dire consequences that the experts tell us are inevitable in the decades to come. Somewhere my un-child is thanking me for not subjecting her to global warming, as well as the other unseemly traits I might be likely to pass on, like fingernails that just won't grow.
5. If conceived, my Un-child is likely to scream to me at some point "I wish I'd never been born!" I'm saving her the trouble now, like the good Un-Parent I am.
6. It's not polite to pester people about their life choices, especially when it comes to things as complex as family planning.
7. As soon as people stop hassling me about when I plan to have kids, it might start to seem like a more attractive idea. I might go ahead and have my children, and people will have to find some other thing to harangue me about. What fun would that be?
Published by Lisa Ross
Lisa Ross is a writer living in Minnesota. When she's not writing, she can be found at the barn. She is fascinated by viewpoints from off the beaten path, and frequently tries to provide those of her own.... View profile
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4 Comments
Post a CommentWell, it's been two years since I wrote this and I haven't spawned yet. I am not yet gravid. I am keeping my options open. As for finding me sad, this is the kind of judgment that I'm writing about. A quick scan of the author's literary leavings reminds me why I'm hesitant to have children: people who make their children their entire life, thought, breath, and thought. What do you have to give your children when your only interest is... children?
I am having a lot of trouble now with my mother about the fact that I do not want to have kids. My parents push me to get a PhD. Now I am 35 years old with a PhD and a new job. I am find myself lucky since I just get married (after a long time W/O personnel life). My mother wants me to stay home and have her grandchildren. I really love my job and I am spending more than 12 hours a day on the job and most of my Saturday. I do not want to stop because I like my job. My husband is 42 years old and he is working very hard too (he does not want kid either). We do not want to take the time to have kids. My parents cannot understand that and I am almost ready to break off with them. I want them to stop to judge me!!!
I'll tell you what. I agree with you Lisa. I would love to have kids, but I can't because I take a medicine that is keeping me alive. It costs $300 a month. I cna't get insurance and work at home due to my seizures. So, even though my husband and I want kids, it's either a child or medicine.
I found this really sad, because you seem to have such lack of faith in yourself. Moreover, we live off of less than $40,000 a year and have one child and one on the way. It's not as expensive as people make it out to be to have a child. I do agree that people shouldn't hassel you about having kids if you don't want any.