7 Ways to Drive a Menopausal Woman Insane

As any menopausal woman experiencing hot flashes can attest, there are a few things that will simply send her over the brink and into the abyss of insanity. Most of them will occur on their own, but if you really have it in for her, there are things you can do to help to push the menopausal woman over the edge.

This one works regardless of your relationship.

1. Whenever you have the opportunity, greet this woman with "Oh my God!" Aren't you cold? It's freezing out you need a heavier jacket on!" Make sure to repeat the same greeting every time you meet her. Obviously she doesn't know enough to wear a jacket to keep warm. The beads of perspiration on her brow are a figment of her imagination, and all will be fine if she simply follows your directions to wear a heavier jacket. Act slighted when she begins to respond with a morning grunt and continues on her way.

Co-workers

2. If you have coworker who is prone to hot flashes, here is wonderful trick that she is sure to appreciate. Wait until she goes to the ladies room and quickly dart to her work area and shut her window. But don't stop there. Make sure to crank the thermostat up a few degrees, too. By the time she figures it out, she will be a wash of sweat. Be sure to exit the room when you see her face go from bright red to ashen. The anxiety attack has finally kicked in and she probably has a pretty good clue who is behind her discomfort.

3.Better yet, wait until your co-worker is making a big presentation. Quietly excuse yourself and turn up the thermostat, because every one else is cold, of course. Sit back and watch as she struggles to maintain focus on her presentation.

Spouses Only

4. If the wonderful lady who is experiences hot flashes is your spouse, then you are in a prime position to send her to heights she has never known before. Quietly sneak into the bedroom while she is still in the bathroom getting ready for bed and close the bedroom window. Make sure the curtains hide this fact. When a river of perspiration floods her in the night, pretend to be asleep.

5.An alternative to this is to set the fan on low as you are both drifting off to sleep, being careful not to fall asleep yourself. Once she is comfortably snoozing, sneak out of bed and turn the fan off. After all, why should you have to sleep with a blanket when you are perfectly comfortable without one, once the fan is off? Again, pretend to be asleep as she gasps for breath in the middle of the night.

6.Should you notice in the middle of the night that your lady has cast all the blankets aside, do the right thing. Carefully and lovingly cover her up with all the blankets so she won't get a chill. She is sure to appreciate your kindness.

Cute Cuddly Blonds

If you are cute a cuddly blond in your twenties you are in the ultimate position to drive any menopausal woman insane. You really don't have to do anything. Simply giggle every now and then and reposition your slender self into a new a new and interesting position. But if you really have it in for her, there are plenty of things you can do.

6. Start by shivering and whining, "I'm freezing." When she ignores this, and believe me, she will ignore it, wait a few moments and whine a little louder. This time make the statement "It's freezing in here!" and look around as though you were seeking out a warm and cozy chair to sink into. Pulling your sleeves over your hands and your turtleneck up over your chin will be quite effective now.

Next, declare, "There's something wrong with the heat in here. We need to turn it up."

By now, you have elevated her body temperature by several degrees. You may even begin to see tiny beads of sweat on the upper lip and on the forehead. You have her where you want her. Ignoring you any longer will appear selfish. She'll have no choice but to turn it up "a little". Do not dismay, this is enough to send her into a full-fledged hot flash accompanied by a nice little anxiety attack.

Now, wait until sweat begins to roll off the brow. You are now in the optimal position to push her over the brink. Exclaim in surprise that she is sweating. When she tries to explain, giggle nervously and say, "Oh, I understand. It happens to my Grandmother all the time."

Teenagers, Spouses, and Everyone Else

7. If you really want to find out what your menopausal friend is made of, you will need to bide your time. Learn to distinguish the slightest sign that a hot flash is approaching. Just as it is about to besiege her, act quickly. Ask a question that requires her to recall information. When she says "I don't know." or "I don't remember." ask again. Don't worry she still won't know the answer yet. When she repeats that she does not know, rephrase the question and speak loudly and slowly. When she bellows in frustration that she does not know. Act hurt and confused and exclaim. "What's your problem today? I only asked a question!"

With a little thought and some creativity you can come up with many variations on your own to push a menopausal woman over the edge. Keep in mind that these secret attacks must appear innocent. Should she break down and accuse you of sabotaging her at any point, make sure to point out how irrational and emotional she is lately and dismiss her silly ideas as nothing short of an overactive imagination.