7 Ways NOT to Go on a Break

If you would rather risk your relationship for the potential to hook-up with random people, you really need to end things. You have to commit to your decisions. You can't keep one foot in while you explore other options. It is not right for either of you. Be adult and stand by your decision.Why?

One of you will invariably sit around waiting for the phone call saying, "let's get back together." A sucker, sap, or loyal. However you want to put it, this is cruel and unhealthy. Both of you need to get away, clear your heads, and explore other options.

Going 'on break' gives you a safety net. Your relationship becomes a compromise if you don't immediately fall into a new relationship. If you do go back, that relationship may feel lessened, Plan-B, a fall back. Having thoughts that you could have done better, will cause you to be disconnected and resentful of the relationship, creating problems down the line.

If you want to pursue other options, BREAK UP! Don't jerk each other around with hopes of getting back together. If it's worth going on break, it's worth losing that relationship over. SO break it off. If you guys meet up again down the road and figure out how to be together, GREAT. But don't rely on it. Breaks equal breaking up plus messy confusion: "are we together or not? Can I see someone else? What can I do?"

If you go back to the relationship, anything you did on break WILL come back to haunt you...Time Apart:

Having a live in girlfriend I've noted how significant it is to have time apart. You don't need to spend every moment with him/her. If you need time away take it; and you don't need to 'go on break' to do so...

7-Tips:

1. Visit the family: One way my live-in girlfriend gets away is she'll go home for a week or two and visit her family. She doesn't live too far away so it's a convenient retreat when we need distance. During this time, we still talk every night and we plan days where I come visit. I make sure to go back home at the end of the evening to respect the temporary seperation. Like it was when we first started dating.
2. Vacation with The Guys: One of my best friends lives up North by Cannery Row and Big Sur. The week I spent with him backpacking and sight-seeing was great. I still got to talk to my girlfriend ever-so-often (not the days backpacking) and I was able to hang out and vent any frustrations with a good friend.
3. Hobbies: Moving into micro-seperation, we have small hobbies and tasks. I like to garden, although it's on our back deck it still provides me an escape for 30 minutes to an hour per day. Just me and my plants. It's relaxing, she respects my alone time while I'm out there and it provides a pleasant escape.
4. Tasks/Chores: Do things seperate of each other. One person can go shopping while the other mops the floors. Divide and conquer.
5. Clubs, Teams, Classes: Take a class, play a sport, or join a book club. It will give you contact with people outside of your relationship, provide you mentally stimulating activities and it will give you something to talk about with your significant other.
6. Friends: Feel free to go out with your friends without your girlfriend/boyfriend. Make it a guys'/gals' night out if you don't want to risk hurting feelings. Or keep it small and hang out with just one person. Make sure you can still have a social life seperate of your 'other'. It is important to have time to talk with your friends about things that you may not be able to say to your girl/guy.
7. Walk: Take a 30 minute walk every morning alone. Similar to my gardening, it will give you something else to focus on, get you outside, and away from your significant other. It's your personal, uninterupted free time. Ever-so-often, bring home coffee so she knows you still think about her.

• What do you do?
• How do you preserve relationships in close-quarters?
• Any advice, suggestions, or questions?

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