8 Reasons to Have Sex Before You Get Married: Premarital Sex Isn't a Bad Thing
One Liberal, Sexually-Active Single Gal's Opinion
I chuckle every time I hear that. But it also makes me think about the fact that if I just had one partner, I'd have nothing to compare the sex to. This is just one reason I am a proponent of premarital sex.
Let me just be clear up front. I believe in committed relationships. I am in one right now. I am happy with only having sex with him the rest of our sexually active lives. However, I am grateful for experiences with ex-boyfriends, college hook-ups and adulthood romps. Had I not had those experiences, I would never know the difference between sex and making love.
Let me also be clear that I do not believe in pressuring someone to have sex. If one half a couple wants to have sex and the other does not wish to, either they will have to deal with it or end the relationship.
Now that those disclaimers are out of the way, here are some reasons I feel sex before marriage should not be considered a bad thing.
Reason #1 to Have Premarital Sex: Everyone's Doing It
Not that peer pressure is a good thing. It's not. That headline is tongue-in-cheek. But really, almost everyone IS doing it. A recent study by New Yorks' Guttmacher Institute found that 9 of 10 Americans engage in premarital sex. To me, this shows that premarital sex is something that is outdated. See, in years past people married younger. Perhaps just after high school, perhaps to his or her one and only sweetheart. This meant that years of fooling around were limited. This leads me to point number two.
Reason #2 to Have Premarital Sex: People Are Marrying Later
Today, people are marrying later and later. Case in point: I'm 28 and engaged. My mom married at 16. This means that I would have waited over 12 years longer than my mom to have sex. I couldn't not see sex as being a part of my life over the past decade or so. It shaped who I am. My fiancé and I set a wedding date for 2008. I will be 30 then. (Ten years more and there would have been a funny movie made about me!)
Reason #3 to Have Premarital Sex: Test Drive
You wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it. You wouldn't buy those pants without trying them on. Of course these examples can't truly relate to a human being. However, chemistry is crucial to a marriage. Part of chemistry does happen in the bedroom. I firmly believe if people are not satisfied sexually, it can cause problems in the relationship. Knowing that you like sex with a person is a sure sign that the relationship will last. Or, even just knowing that you or your partner enjoys sex in general is a good thing too. Think Married with Children, how Al Bundy always wanted Peggy, but she was never in the mood. I am not saying that sex is the most important thing in a relationship; however, if the sex is not that great (or nonexistent) it could eventually lead to someone's needs getting satisfied elsewhere. Why do you think sex therapy exists? Because it is THAT important to lasting relationships.
Reason #4 to Have Premarital Sex: "Where'd You Learn How to Do That?"
Hearing a partner say that will bring a smile to anyone's face, and can even be a bit of an ego boost. ("Damn, I'm good!) Doing those little tricks or making someone feel good is something that comes with experience. Having multiple partners prior to being committed can be a great sexual exploration and learning experience. America didn't become the country it today without a little exploring! People are born with talent yes, but skills need to be honed.
Reason #5 to Have Premarital Sex: It Hurts the First Time
If my very special wedding night included a very physically painful experience, it would certainly be a night to remember. But, not for the right reason. Plain and simple, in most cases when a woman loses her virginity it is painful. There could even be blood involved. Lots of foreplay and a lubricant can relax a nervous female virgin and make intercourse easier and less painful, but wouldn't it just be easier to have had some practice? On the male side, knowing where 'it' goes is important. Sure, we all know where it goes, but men could be clumsy. Ever hear a man say, "Is it in?" They ask that because they may not know what it feels like. Does any sexual experience need a little coaching? Sure. But being able to impress your partner on the wedding night, or perhaps lasting a while can result from experience in the bedroom.
Reason #6 to Have Premarital Sex: Where Does the Gay Population Fit In? Huh? Anyone Think About That?
If gay marriage is something that states collectively aren't going to agree on, then where do those in the GLBT realm fit into all this? Are GLBTs exempt from premarital sex because they cannot get married? Or, does this mean that they can't ever have sex? That one baffles me! Also, what if a teen is uncertain of his or her sexuality. What if they want to experience sex with someone of the same sex to be sure if those feelings are real? What happens then? Is this why some marriages end in divorce because one partner reveals he or she is gay? Did the pressure of premarital sex preaching get to them so much that they never fully understood their own sexuality?
Reason #7 to Have Premarital Sex: What About Divorcees?
So, if one marries, gets divorced and falls in love again-and then gets engaged what happens? They are in a premarital situation again. And oops. They already had sex.
Reason #8 to Have Premarital Sex: You Never, Never Know...
Finally, I end my article with a very funny video: http://www.vsocial.com/video/?d=16372
(On a final note, I just have to add something. It seems that every conservative article about morals and values are just that- preachy and conservative. Yet, when people get clever and original and even funny in a liberal article, they get bashed. Some people take life too seriously!)
Published by D. S. Ploshay
Since 2000, Donna Ploshay has contributed to alternative weeklies, newspapers, magazines and puzzle books including "The Times Leader," "The Weekender," "Games" and "Wilkes." Her expertise includes SEO, blog... View profile
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- Why Teens and Preteens Have Sex
- Open Response to Why Sex Should Be Saved for Marriage
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- Premarital Sex Just as Common in Days Past, According to Study
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- Explore!
75 Comments
Post a CommentMs. Pooshay is pretty messed up. Take a look a society you idiot and telll me we are on the right track with these ideas. The country is doing these thing and it is messed up. We have seriously been dumbed down as a people...
continued...That's how emotional baggage works. You get rid of the man (object) but the scars (residue) are still on you. This is all the reason why we as women need to be extra careful about the kind of men we sleep with. If you only sleep with good men who are deserving of your body, you can at least walk away from it saying, "He was a good man, and he left a good mark on me, and I will take that and apply it to the next relationship."
I guess the problem with premarital sex is that the emotional part is being over looked. As emotional as women are viewed to be, we sometimes ignore the fact that sex affects our emotions. We do not consider that the many men we sleep with all have an emotional affect on us. Think of all that baggage we are acquiring. Even if you are no longer with that man, you can still have an emotional scar left on you from being with him. For example, if you touch an object, you will get some of its germs and residue on your hands. Then you touch another object, and there is germs and residue on that too. Just because you are no longer touching the first obect doesn't mean the residue is no longer on your hands.
After reading this article 2 things really strike me 1.) the writer seems to have some unhealthy ideas about relationships in general, wanting to have everything in order before entering into one. and 2.) if their were more good men who honored the good women in the world this article would probably never have been written.
Also, if people didnt have sex outside of marriage STD's WOULD NOT EXIST. Also the amount of unwanted pregnancy would be reduced significantly
All I know is that my wife went through this pain on a bed covered with rose pedals, surrounded by candles after 200 of her closest friends and family came together to bless her relationship. why would you choose the back seat of the car?
5.) My wife and I went through this pain, as a matter of fact it took almost 6 months before intercourse became pleasureful for her. Given the choice would you rather experience this pain with the tender loving man you've chosen as your husband, or would you rather experience it in the back seat of some guys car? or his college dorm room? and I think most people can testify that their first sexual experience was not romantic and loving but something and someone they would probably rather forget.
Now before I met her I could have bought the house, painted the walls, put up the trim and changed the windows. And yes maybe it would have been nice to walk into something that was done, but think about all the growth that will come from figuring something out together. good relationships aren't about having your Siht together, they are about being with someone you feel safe enough with and trust enough to go through that growth with. Also people are jealous, and I personally dont like the thought of someone else pleasing my wife, maybe in some sick way you do
This article is funny, while I am a Christian and I did wait until marriage to have sex I am hardly the fire and brimstone type. Sure, sex is a personal choice and just like everything in life it is yours to make. Here are some counter arguments.
1.)I almost don't feel the need to counter this point because it is so poor. This statement is like saying "its outdated to think carefully and wisely through choices" how many people reading this article started smoking in their teens and now would love to quit?
2.)if sex "shaped your life" then I feel very very sad for you. I waited 25 years to have sex and the things that shaped my life were much more meaningful. Friends, family, travels, my work with homeless youth, my love of music and desire to play it, my dissapointments and my successes, buying a house, getting married, having a son. Sex is nice, but sex outside marriage is about as meaningful as "eating a really good pizza" no one comes back from e
4.) My wife and I bought our first house together just over a year ago, together we picked the house, together we painted and put up trim and changed windows and together we built a home for my now 3 week old son. This process came with many hiccups, mistakes, fights, disagreements and victories! this process forced us to come together and become closer, forced us to communicate better, be more clear about our needs and wants. Now before I met her I could have bought the house, painted the walls, put up the trim and changed the windows.
eating pizza changed.
3.) Marriage is about finding someone with character, the reality is if you look for a kind, patient, gentle, generous and caring person your sex life will fall into place, despite any lack of chemistry or difficult times. Because you will talk and guide eachother. People should choose a good partner not a good sex partner. Bad relationships cause problems in bed.. its not the other way around.