8 Simple Rules for Mommy of the Year Britney Spears

I certainly don't know about you, but over the last year Britney Spears has become one of my favorite little Hollywood mommies, sarcastically speaking of course.

The latest- Britney was seen changingher newest editon to the worlds' diaper in the middle of a busy restaurant.

Yes, thats right, everyone's favorite sit-in-my-lap-so-you-can-see-over-the-steering-wheel mommy is blundering her way through parenting the same way she attacks a major chord: shakily and very unamusing.

So, in the interest of preserving our favorite Hollywood daddy Kevin Federline's progeny, we've decided to offer Britney - and every young mother with a major label recording contract, really - a little old-fashioned parenting advice.

Rule No. 1: Don't throw out the baby with the water that was in the bath tub.

That means literally, mommy. Seriously. Be careful with that.

"New moms tend to get what I call 'baby brain,'" says parenting expert Jan Butsch, author of "Just a Stage," a story-filled tome about raising kids in the age of MTV, ADD and, of course, Miss Oops! … She Did It Again. "Trying to do too many things at once can make you somewhat spacey or lose focus, and you can easily end up doing a lot of stupid things."

Sound familiar, Ms. Spears?

"Stop and think for a second," Butsch says. "Ask yourself, 'Is this the best thing I could do?'"

Rule No. 2: Avoid toxic (losing-your-head, spinnin' round and round, do you feel me now?)-type situations.

"That's just disgusting," says Butsch of the reputed diaper-changing incident. "It doesn't matter if you can change a diaper in 87 seconds flat. Don't do it."

To reiterate this point, that means anywhere. Even gas stations that seem especially sanitary or might inspire you to go shoeless. We understand that you are use to the whole pregnant and shoeless idea, but come on Britney, its for the kids.

Rule No. 3: You are a slave for your baby - not for your Starbucks fix.

"After you become a mom, you can't be the center of your own universe," Butsch emphasizes. "There is no room for making errors." *coughbabyonlapwhiledrivingcough*

Rule No. 4: Ask your supportive, thoughtful husband to be the strong emotional, financial and spiritual rock he is known to be and which you have chosen him as a life partner for specifically because of those qualities.

Oh, sorry. Scratch that Britney, to everyone else Rule number 4 still applies.

Rule No. 5: Find a church group or something.

"It's important to have other people in your life that you can totally trust," Butsch says. "You can meet moms at the local park and lots of places."

It's kind of like the next time you make out with someone at the VMAs, considering you are now single.

Rule No. 6: Being curious is a good thing.

Terrible scent, Curious - wafting of way too much fruity Louisiana bloom - but an excellent personal attribute.

"Never be afraid to ask other new moms," Butsch says. "We have training in how to drive a car, but there's no training involved in having a baby."

Although, I am pretty sure Britney failed the whole car thing.

Rule No. 7: Click it or ticket

It's something you see on the side of every MAJOR highway in the US. Make sure you strap junior in so he too can be safe.

And finally last but not least..

Rule No. 8: Don't marry guys and have offspring with men such as Kevin Federline. It all makes for a very hard time on the baby. You want whats best for your new son or daughter, I'm guessing that daddy won't be able to provide for the new fam too much.