8 Stupid Sex Laws from Around the Country

Even sillier in light of how humankind has tried to repress its own sexuality since, well, pretty much the birth of civilization. America's been one of the worst offenders. Here are some dumb-ass sex laws, complete with the dumb-ass cities and states they're from.

8. Colorado - In Colorado, it is against the law to kiss a sleeping woman.

This is just trying to kill romanticism. What's wrong with wanting to kiss a sleeping woman? Stephen Tyler says nothing. And I, for one, agree wholeheartedly with Stephen Tyler.

7. San Francisco, California - Prostitutes are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.

Because really, you can't have prostitutes walking around with that kind of change. That would be disgraceful.

Nevermind that prostitution isn't legal in San Francisco, but apparently if it was the women of the night (c) would be charging substantially less than $50, anyways.

6. Connorsville, Wisconsin - No man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

What kind of Yosemite Sam bullshit is going on in Connorsville Wisconsin?!

Yelling "hot damn", branding your partner's ass, and calmly stroking your 2 foot mustache is all still allowed, by the way.

It is kind of telling that the law's wording only prevents shooting off a gun while having sex with a female partner. Male partners can, of course, shoot off as many mid-orgasm guns as they want, because a gun's pretty much a big, insecure phallic symbol anyways.

5. No Sex In An Ambulance - Tremonton, Utah

As punishment, charges are pressed against the woman and her name is printed in the local paper, ostensibly to shame her or just provide a much needed entertainment boost to the daily police blotter.

BONUS EXTRA STUPID PUNCHLINE: Hey, think of the money they'd save on a siren!

4. Massachusetts - At a rodeo it is illegal to have sex with rodeo clown in the presence of horses.

You could have stopped after "rodeo clown," but this law didn't. Apparently the problem isn't the women having sex with rodeo clowns (and god bless them). the problem is that it's really going to spook the horses. Keep in mind that for a law to be this specific, something awful must have happened that resembled the exact scenario that the law presents.

3. Willowdale, Oregon - No man may curse while having sex with his wife.

Assuming that this law is referring to swearing and not magical curses, this is an odd one. It's apparent that at some point in the hamlet of Willowdale, an impressionable person passed outside of a window and heard some foul language, which he or she then repeated at town hall during the annual potluck. That is what I am picturing, anyways.

2. Florida - Sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

The fact that this law had to be made scares the living hell out of me. Also, this is really stepping on Darwin's toes--if someone really wants to have sex with a porcupine, by God that's nature's way of saying that your genitals need to be mutilated, for the good of the land. Nature is a cruel temptress. I am sorry for this.

1. Utah - Adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment.

So pretty much everyone in Utah should be in jail.

Actually, in that light, this one doesn't sound so bad...

You can find more sex laws at www.weirdsexlaws.com.