8 Ways to Look Organized

Admit it. You are disorganized. You are not lazy. You are not a slob. You are not dumb. Those are things that organized people often assume about disorganized people. It's not true, but you're probably never going to overcome the misconceptions because people who are organized are also rigid, anal and, yes, let's say it, annoying. And I know because I'm one of those rigid, anal, annoying people. So I'm going to tell all you un-lazy, un-sloppy, un-dumb, disorganized people how to appear to be organized without actually getting organized. You scoff. But it can be done.

Rule Number 1: Never ever, ever, under any circumstances, in any situation, and not even to your mother, (who'd love you anyway) admit that you are disorganized. People tend to believe what we tell them about ourselves. (So this goes for dumb, lazy or sloppy too.) You are what you say you are. Therefore, say you are organized. If that's really a stretch, say that you are in the process of getting organized. People admire goals and associate them with organizational skill.

Rule Number 2: Hide the evidence. It hardly takes any more energy to slide your dirty clothes, pizza encrusted dishes, unpaid bills and empty beer bottles under and into things as it is to leave them in the middle of your floor. Bonus: you can get to the bathroom in the middle of the night without stepping in cheese.

Rule Number 3: Wear a watch. Organized people always know what time it is. If you arrive late (and you know you will), just discreetly reset your watch to the wrong time. (Use this excuse sparingly, of course, unless you routinely travel across time zones.)

Rule Number 4: Routinely travel across time zones. Even organized people make allowances for jet lag.

Rule Number 5: Don't buy clothing in assorted colors. Choose one color (or go with black or white if you crave variety) and wear it consistently. Mismatched socks scream, "Organizationally challenged."

Rule Number 6: Carry a cell phone, palm pilot, Blackberry or some other piece of computerized equipment that looks both complicated and important. You don't necessarily have to know how to use it, (because you're never going to have time to read the instruction manual) but if you're busily punching buttons, you not only look organized and efficient, people will be less likely to bother you and ask you to do something you don't have time to do.

Rule Number 7: Become a List Maker. Organized people are always making lists: "To do," "Already Done," "Things For Other People To Do." "New and Improved Ways to Annoy Organized People." Yes, you are allowed to have fun with your lists.

Rule Number 8: Inherit a lot of money. Then you can pay other people to mow the lawn, clean the house, paint your toenails, return your library books, take care of the kids, buy the beer, pay the bills, vacuum the pool, shop for groceries, walk the dog, alphabetize your CD collection, cook the meals and do the laundry. Because if you have time to lounge next to your clean pool with a good book, a cold beer, and pretty toes, who's going to have the nerve to accuse you of being disorganized?