83rd Oscar Awards Renamed to Duh! Awards

I think someone handed me the script for the broadcast of the 83^rd Academy Awards the day a week in advance. And the script was that of a cliché Hollywood romantic comedy that everyone knew the ending of.

Skimming through the nominees, I predicted that "The King's Speech" would win Best Picture, "The Social Network" would win a few Oscars mainly because Academy members feared accidental deletion of their Facebook accounts if they snubbed them, "Inception" will win some Oscars for visual as long as someone still can't comprehend the ending, Daft Punk should have been nominated for Best Original Score so it would win, "Toy Story 3" or any future animated feature will never win Best Picture as long as a Best Animated Feature exists, and co-hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco will bore me enough so that I am tempted to just google the Oscars results so that I would not have to watch the show.

In other predictions, a President will be elected come November 2012, lottery numbers will be drawn this week, and Jack Black will still play Jack Black in a movie starring Jack Black.

So the Oscars began and already James Franco and Anne Hathaway demonstrate how that despite being actors, they still can't act during that opening montage where they are spliced into the 10 nominated Best Picture films. Anne Hathaway is trying too hard while James Franco makes Keanu Reeves look like a plank of wood-no change there. Next year, leave the hosting to pros who actually have good chemistry. Additionally, why is there so much emphasis on the history of past Oscar shows and winners for an 83rd awards show? Would this not be more appropriate for a 100th show?

"Alice in Wonderland" was my biggest shock of the Oscars for winning in Art Direction and later Costume Design Now no matter how much people complain that Tim Burton's story on the classic tale was a self-induced cranial injury, the film can now honestly boast itself as a two time Oscar winner. And the costume designer was the same Colleen Artwood who won for her inaccurate costumes of "Memoirs of a Geisha."

"Inception" quickly wins a well deserved Cinematography Oscar and later Visual Effects given that those visuals were what really sold the movie even if I still get the feeling Nolan came up with the film while falling asleep with "The Matrix" on television. The two Sound Oscars were just icing.

Kirk Douglas' appearance was surprising because:
A) Holy crap, he's still alive!
B) And he sounds like my grandfather.

It seems having an accent was a prerequisite for earning a Best Supporting Actress nomination whether it was British, Brooklyn, or southern twang. Melissa Leo's F-bomb was a pleasant surprise for her win in "The Fighter." My biggest question is why was Hailee Steinfeld considered a supporting actress in "True Grit" when she was the only leading actress in the film?

Pixar wins another Animated Feature Oscar for "Toy Story 3." In other news, Pixar now uses Oscars for book ends.

"The Social Network" and "The King's Speech" both get a Screenplay Oscar. Well, we knew "The Social Network" had to win SOMETHING.

The awards are briefly interrupted with hosting obligations and presenters. Anne Hathaway can sure sing and will probably appear in a future episode of "Glee" doing something totally irrelevant like Gwyneth Paltrow. Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis really dropped the ball when presenting the Animated Oscars. They should have been animated as his "Shrek" character and her Meg Griffin character. Russell Brand should never be seen with an acting powerhouse like Helen Mirren. Then again, he should never be seen in public period.

Christian Bale wins a much deserved Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. But as Batman, he will always know that the Joker will always be two steps and two years ahead of him. And how cute, "The Social Network" wins for Best Original Score. It's still no Best Actor award, but baby steps for the movie. Another surprise of the night was that the visual effects of "The Wolfman" were actually makeup effects as it receives Best Makeup.

"God of Love" receives an Oscar for Best Live Action Short and the director receives a Razzie for worst hair of the Oscars. "Inside Job" receives Best Documentary Feature while "Exit Through the Gift Shop" realizes it could have won had the film proved to be an actual documentary instead of a staged production.

Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law present the Visual Effects awards but wind up being more memorable than the nominees. Their chemistry proves to be even more convincing and effective than the hosts. Hey, Academy, I think I found your hosts for next year.

The serous awards wind down the show. "The Social Network" wins its third Oscar for film editing that was well deserved considering the action of the film consisted of nerds staring at computer screens. Good editing is needed to make that entertaining. Natalie Portman finally undoes all of her crappy films like "No Strings Attached" and the "Star Wars" prequels. And the night ends with a triple punch for "The King's Speech" as it wins the prestigious Best Actor, Best Director, and Best Picture. Not even the Academy dinosaurs could provide a shock by splitting the Best Picture for "The King's Speech" and Best Director for "The Social Network."

So while both "Inception" and "The King's Speech" both received four Oscars, "The King's Speech" is the one that is better regarded because it won four that seem to actually relate to filmmaking in terms of actors and directors.