9 New Jokes About John McCain's Age

Because of the great interest readers have shown in my 3 New Jokes about John McCain piece, I have composed the following jokes in honor of John McCain's extreme old age:

Joke 1.

As in every election, the mudslinging has begun. This week, John McCain's campaign manager is panicking over the surfacing of some compromising photos. It seems that years ago John McCain posed for some revealing pictures in a magazine. You might have heard of the publication -- New Hip Weekly.

Joke 2.

One night, John McCain woke up with a scream.

His wife, Cindy, was used to the senator having flashbacks to Vietnam. "Are you O.K.?" she asked.

"I am now," said the senator. "I was having a terrible nightmare."

"Tell me about it," said Cindy. "What happened this time?"

"I was in a crowded place, surrounded by throngs of people. They were all jabbering at me in some language I couldn't understand. I wanted to tell them something, but I couldn't collect my thoughts, and I couldn't articulate. I was just frozen, like a deer in the headlights."

"Oh, John," said Cindy. "Stop thinking about last night's Presidential Debate and try to get some sleep."

Joke 3.

John McCain has used every opportunity to appeal to the religious right, in hopes of motivating conservatives to vote for him this coming November. At a recent press conference, he even tried to use the death of Charlton Heston to his advantage. "Charlton Heston may have played Moses in the movies," he said, "but I went to school with Moses."

Joke 4.

John McCain supporters say that he will be a very conservative president. They say that the most liberal thing he will do is walk down the stairs without holding the railing. Of course, at his age that's also the most dangerous thing he can do.

Joke 5.

Recently, Senator McCain's campaign manager has begun worrying about his hearing.

"Do we need to buy you a hearing aid?" he asked McCain.

"No, no, no," said McCain. "I've told you already -- I don't like lemonade."

Joke 6.

If John McCain doesn't become president, he can always fall back on a Hollywood offer he's received to star in his own television show. It will be aired immediately after Matlock. The series is about a guy who can take ordinary items and create incredible James Bond-like inventions to get out of difficult situations. It's similar to MacGyver, but in this case, it's called McGeezer.

Joke 7.

Recently John McCain was quite upset when he learned that some State Department workers had been snooping into his passport files. Most people thought he was upset because they would know where he had traveled, but that wasn't the reason. He was actually upset that they would see that his passport picture is so old that it was signed by Van Gogh.

Joke 8.

Question: Why does John McCain avoid the dairy section at the supermarket?

Answer: Because the milk has a longer shelf life than he does.

Joke 9.

How old is John McCain? He's so old that one day he went to an insurance agent to buy a life insurance policy and by the time he drove back home, the policy had matured.