9 Key Steps to Being a Terrible Boss

1. Inconsistency on Rules!

In order to create chaos and confusion, be inconsistent. Wavering and changing rules helps employees feel confused and unsure. When nothing is consistent, the confused employees often make mistakes by following rules or methods that have been changed.

This leads to unproductive, unhappy employees. Should an employee dislike this method, tell them that they are the problem, that they are inflexible and therefore, a bad fit to the team.

2. Scheduling (or Lack of...)

As a boss, the scheduling of work days, breaks, and off time is in your hands. A sure fire way to cause anger and resentment is to simply deny your employees any time off or any breaks.

This makes the employees feel like they are tied to the job, that they are slaves for your demands. Overworked, undervalued people who spend countless hours without breaks are unfriendly people who dislike what they do.

3. There's YOUR Time, then there's THEIR time...

Your time matters. It is an important, precious jewel which should be held in high esteem. If your employees attempt to waste your time, delay your schedule, or bother you with unimportant issues, be harsh and demand compensation.

The employee's time, however, is another matter. It is acceptable to make appointment and then fail to show up, or fail to show up on time. It is acceptable to demand each and every employee arrive at work at a set time without following that rule yourself. To add flavor, be certain that the day is cold, the door is locked, and the employee must wait at least 30 minutes for your arrival. This way, your presence is appreciated.

3. Rumor Control

Rumors are nasty beasts which spread among the lowly peasants-Er-I mean, employees. They should be stopped, punished, and crushed immediately! It does not matter if they are true or not, that is inconsequential.

It IS acceptable for there to be hushed discussions by the Boss, however, to any audience that the boss desires. Coworkers of the company, coworkers in other companies, and general public are all primed for a boss' first amendment rights. Perception is in the eye of the beholder but only the boss beholder! Only the boss is allowed the freedom of speech in expressing unhappiness when dealing with ungrateful employees and the troubles they create. Fiction is embraced and accepted when from a Boss' lips.

4. Micromanage MORE!

Employees are sure to cringe when you tell them repeatedly how to do their job. They have a gut reaction when you take a product out of their hands and change it. It reinforces that there is no trust between you and the employee, that you think they are idiots, and it shows your mighty power!

Showing power by stomping on employees' ideas, thoughts, and efforts is a fast way to grow a grudge that the employee can nurse.

After all, the employee must remember WHO is in charge! No need for respect, fairness, or common courtesy when dealing with employees, it might give them the mistaken impression that you give a damn what they think.

5. Stretch the Truth til it bleeds! ( Or toss it out all together)

Lying is such a harsh word. No need for that unless it makes you look like the super person that YOU are! Stretching the truth is just as effective a measure. For example, have an employee who refuses to bow down as you desire, fire them! After they are fired, be certain to create a reason which makes you look like a saint, something that makes them look as terrible as possible.

You gain special bonus boss points if you can convince other people that the former employee was guilty of stealing, cheating, or screwing YOU over, rather than the reality of the situation.

Remember, you are the boss! It's your call and it is unacceptable for you to look like the bad guy' even if you are. Who's going to believe the employee anyhow, right?

Stretching the truth can also be applied when dealing with the public, your clients and customers, as well.

Saying that you created a dish when you merely warmed it or taking credit for the baked goods of another company allows you a pat on the back! Be sure to take the glory for all that is great and grand with your company, be certain to blame your failures and faults on those stupid, lazy employees.

6. You are NOT the maid--the employee is!

As the boss, you are allowed to create a mess and leave it for your subordinates to clean. Pulling items from a closet, a desk, cabinets, or an auto and leaving it in the middle of the floor, preferably in the path of activity, allows the boss to examine items without craning their necks.

Creating the biggest mess possible IS also part of the goal. It allows the boss to watch how quickly and responsively the employees take action to resolve the disaster. It gives the boss a clear idea of which employee is worthy and which employee grimaces when examining the task.

The particular type of disaster created does not matter. The employees have nothing better than to pick up after you anyhow. Whether it is food slung from hither to yon, or paperwork intentionally scattered and unorganized, the employee can spend countless hours straightening and placing the items as they were meant to be. Plus, during this time, you are rest assured that you know exactly what they are doing and how they are spending their time at work. Remember, do not feel guilty and do not consider helping in the pick up. You are not responsible.

7. The Hide and Seek Game

For another touch of fun, randomly move most needed items to different places without telling the employees. They learn to be more efficient with their time this way! Finding the stapler, a notebook, or any ingredient required to complete work and spending five to ten minutes looking for said item, makes the employee work faster! Fast work is sloppy work, too, thus giving you another reason for low wages and long hours. The employee is sure to feel angry and their work is certain to reflect this.

The employee is NOT allowed to participate in this game. If you want something and cannot find it, the employee should face harsh consequences for wasting your valuable time.

8. Credit Yourself!

The reason a business fails or flounders would be- the employees, not the boss. When a boss faces a shortage, a pitfall, or a loss, the blame always is to fall on the employees of the company.

Just because you, the boss, are a terrible shopper, that you waste and take home a great percentage of the profit, does not matter! When you fail to keep track of the money that you spend on useless items such as magazines and eye liner, it is NOT your fault. It is the employees' fault! Punish them when they screw up your business. Make them pay for your mistakes. This breeds anger, hostility, and contempt which bonds the employees in the common goal: hating you.
When the business thrives, you should receive all the credit for the task! Even if the employees worked to reach goals, it was only because of your firm control and driving spirit that lead them along. Without you, they would not have had any success. Do not be shy to tell people this either: employees, clients and customers, and any other random person of the public. You need to be awarded, congratulated, and hailed as the great champion you are! Pat yourself on the back; don't wait for others to do it. Toot your own horn and show employees that your success was despite their lazy, unorganized, and tragic existence.

9. Lower Quality, Increase Prices

When looking to maximize profit, be sure to change the product, making it the cheapest possible. Do not do this automatically! Get the public hooked on what they think the product will be then jack up the price of the product.

Be certain that you are not the one to inform the clients and customers of this change. Allow your employees to face the brunt of unhappiness by those you serve. When you lower the quality of the product in order to make more money, blame the employees for the change.

Some ideas of blame include: I had to raise it because I feed my employees lunch for free or I had to increase the price because I am spending too much on salaries of my employees.

This method deflects public anger and places it squarely on the employee, allowing you to look like you had no choice in the matter because the employees are taking advantage of you, not the other way around.

A closing thought...
These methods are not the only ones that ensure unhappy employees, but they are certain to work. No matter what path you take to being a terrible boss, just remember that when your employees dislike you, can't trust you, and resent spending anytime around you, you are on the right track!

Good Luck and Happy Hating!